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Saturday, August 9, 2014

Busted in Boulder, Colorado...



I was hiking the Sanitas Trail, minding my own business (that's what they all say) when I heard the authoritative voice behind me.

"Sir! Please pull off the trail in a safe place and stop."

Caught! By the feared Fitness Police of Boulder.

"Sir! I have reason to believe you are currently in violation of Boulder's Limited Girth Ordinance. I'll need to take a few fat caliper measurements on you. Please stand still." 

Oh the embarrassment.
He grabbed a few fat folds of mine and squeezed the calipers. The results went into his hand held calculator. I knew the jig was up when he shook his head after each measurement. His "Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!" wasn't a good sign either.

"Just what I thought. You have a double-digit percentage of body fat. That's against the law  within the Boulder City limits. I'm issuing you a warning citation to leave Boulder in 48 hours or face the consequences." 

I gulped hard and asked, "What's the penalty?"

"Two weeks of hard labor in our Whole Foods Supermarket. You will only be fed gluten-free bread and smoothies. It's a fair sentence for the crime."

"What did I do that tipped you off?"

"You weren't trail running this mountain."

So.... I packed up Barley and got out of town before sunset.

I'm now in fatter-friendly Fort Collins, Colorado.

That's OK. One door closes and another one opens.

Be well and lean,
Jeff

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