I was hiking the Sanitas Trail, minding my own business (that's what they all say) when I heard the authoritative voice behind me.
"Sir! Please pull off the trail in a safe place and stop."
Caught! By the feared Fitness Police of Boulder.
"Sir! I have reason to believe you are currently in violation of Boulder's Limited Girth Ordinance. I'll need to take a few fat caliper measurements on you. Please stand still."
Oh the embarrassment.
He grabbed a few fat folds of mine and squeezed the calipers. The results went into his hand held calculator. I knew the jig was up when he shook his head after each measurement. His "Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!" wasn't a good sign either.
"Just what I thought. You have a double-digit percentage of body fat. That's against the law within the Boulder City limits. I'm issuing you a warning citation to leave Boulder in 48 hours or face the consequences."
I gulped hard and asked, "What's the penalty?"
"Two weeks of hard labor in our Whole Foods Supermarket. You will only be fed gluten-free bread and smoothies. It's a fair sentence for the crime."
"What did I do that tipped you off?"
"You weren't trail running this mountain."
So.... I packed up Barley and got out of town before sunset.
I'm now in fatter-friendly Fort Collins, Colorado.
That's OK. One door closes and another one opens.
Be well and lean,