Wednesday, December 31, 2014

You Decide!

New Year in Hawaii or New Year in Boulder, CO.

From the Weather Channel:

Now for Boulder, CO

Temp: 16°F
Feels like: 8°F
Humidity: 46%
Wind: SW 5 mph

See the attached photos.
No need to give a weather report.

Many of you on the Mainland will soon be chanting my old mantra. "Come on! Summer!"

Happy New Year to all and to all a good night,

If a bird and a horse...

Can get along, why not humans?

An IPA's worth of philosophy in the New Year.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Happy 2015 from the...

Wandering, Wondering Jew.

May this coming year be better than the last.

Here's my Happy Hour beer's worth of wisdom: 
Don't live your life as if this one is a practice run. What if Shirley MacLaine is wrong and there is no reincarnation and no do-overs? 

Wishing you all a happy, healthy, safe,prosperous and fun New Year.

Cheers from Kauai,


Monday, December 29, 2014

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Dispatches from Occupy Na Pali...

First the good news: The Na Pali Coast is an aww-inspiring backpack trip and destination. 

Where else can you experience these natural wonders?

Sickle-sharp emerald canyon walls evaporating into an unrelenting frothy Pacific Ocean.

It's the birthplace of rainbows and waterfalls.

It's a sound extravaganza of thundering, booming waves set along beachfront property. 

It could be the next "Blue Lagoon II" movie location with an older Brooke Shields. 

There's pretty birds, frogs, feral goats and of course chickens.

Now the reality: Squatters have taken over this jewel while the Hawaiian State Park Service turns a blind eye to the squalor.
Permit? You don't need no stinking permit! Why waste $22/night for the privilege to camp when you can do it for nada? 

Come out (by boat) and construct semi-permanent compounds complete with chainsaws, cast iron skillets, rock walls to keep the riff raff out, blue tarps, coolers, lawn chairs and sweat lodges. It all looks like an REI bargain basement sale that went horribly wrong. 

I would have no gripe if the residents were native Hawaiians reclaiming their ancestral lands. That's not the case. The squatters are young, white males and barefoot. In Colorado we would call them Trusta-Fariens for their dreadlocks and love of Ganga. More than likely these punks are trust funders existing off the wealth of their well-heeled parents. They are a surly bunch with an attitude toward outsiders. 

Abandoned camps abound (invading prime real estate) forcing permit holders to wander around searching for a clean, mud free site. 

It's a crime and a shame! The Hawaiian State Park has the moxie to call it a Wilderness area. 
From the 1964 Wilderness Act: 

“A wilderness, in contrast with those areas where man and his own works dominate the landscape, is hereby recognized as an area where the earth and its community of life are untrammeled by man, where man himself is a visitor who does not remain.”

Note to Hawaiian State Parks: Remove all those signs about "Permit Holders only beyond this point" they are adding detritus to the area and there's no backbone behind the warning.

The HSP makes a mockery of the concept of wilderness.

Yet, if you can also turn a blind eye, it's one marvelous, amazing place. The trail is scarier than poop though! I slipped three times. Fortunately it wasn't in the spots where I  could have been seriously killed. Many hikers come in shaken (but not stirred) from the journey. Be careful!

Back in Kapaa,

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

This is as...

close as I'll get this year to a Christmas card to all.

Merry Christmas!

Mele Kalikimaka!

from the land of Aloha.

On Christmas Day I'll begin a Bucket List backpack trip along the Na Pali Coast of Kauai. 
It's only 11 mikes each way, but it's a tad treacherous from what Backpacker magazine claims.

It might even be scarier than the hiking hazard I encountered today.
 Fore! Who knew golf could be so dangerous. I've heard there are Tigers out on the courses too.

I'll watch my footing and won't play "I dare you to cross that line" with myself.

Besides, I'll be going along with a few local chicks. They will watch my back. See the photo. 

May all your Christmas' be merry and bright.

Monday, December 22, 2014

If you suffer from...

 Mysophobia (fear of dirt/mud) don't try to slip/slide to Alaka'i Swamp. 

However if you can handle the primordial ooze, it's worth the effort. See the photos! 
I scored a rare day when Mother Nature didn't moisturize the rain forest. This doesn't happen often. 
The fickle God of weather is making up for it today. Rain, wind and clouds. Still beats White Death. 
Good day to launder the gunk off of my clothes. Kapaa sports a 24 hour laundromat. This ought to be an interesting experience.  

Aloha Y'all,
PS. Those are authentic swamp flowers. 

Saturday, December 20, 2014

I mean absolutely no disrespect to...

my many Christian friends, (and May God Bless all of you) but I have to blog this.

What would Jesus think of Rosa's holiday spirit?

I'm not sure if weapons are the gift that keeps on giving.

Here's to a safe Christmas for all.

And the winners of the...

Notice anything different Kwanhanumas holiday contest are:

Pam S.

"Wait, wait...don't tell me. Someone guessing your age correctly so you got rid of the mustache to look 20 years younger?"

(Pam's is my favorite!)

Sal B.

"Three observations - I'll go with #2:

 1.  You're drinking a Miller Lite, and therefore embarrassed to show the label.

 2.  The Wooly Bear Caterpillar that had been camped out on your upper lip finally turned into a Tiger moth.

 3.  You've started adding home furnishing inside Barley."

And lastly from Lisa P.

"Got Milk?"

These lucky winners will one day reap their awards for participating. Ain't this easier than the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes?

Speaking of self publishing. I sold a copy of Destroying Demons on the Diagonal. That will help defray the costs of three Happy Hours and dinners. (One beers worth of sales).

Good morning from Kapaa,

Friday, December 19, 2014

There's a reason...

Kauai is so green. It rains often! 

On nearby Mount Waialeale, the supersaturated moist stuff hits pay dirt at over 450 inches/year. This gives the idea of damp another dimension of meaning.

While hiking one must embrace the mud. That's not chocolate milk on my trail runners.

Good night from beautiful downtown Kapaa.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Mother Nature is beautiful...

If it doesn't kill ya. 

Even in a tropical paradise like Hawaii, there's reminders that an invigorating hike can lead to one's final moments. 

On the Waimea Canyon Trail (the Grand Canyon of Hawaii) a simple stumble led 25 year-old Devin to a 700 foot free fall. 

There's even a website dedicated to all those who have fallen (figuratively and physically) while recreating in the Aloha State.

So please be careful when you're playing. Ma Nature doesn't care if you are cute, young or highly intelligent, she treats everyone as equals when it comes to mistakes.

This public safety message brought to you by Jeff 

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Happy Hanukkah...

from Hawaii.

The Hawaiian language is as challenging to speak as Hebrew. There's only eleven consonants used and all the vowels are pronounced differently. I'm not sure if I'm cussing the locals when I ask directions or not.

So far, no one has punched me out. Whew!

On Kauai when they say the eggs come from free ranging chickens, they aren't joking.

Cheers on the Festival of Lights,
There's almost 12 hours of daylight down here.
I'm lovin' it. 


Sunday, December 14, 2014

You Must Enter to Win The...

Notice anything different in this photo KwanHanuMas holiday contest. 

The Top Three Answers will win an ambitious Happy Hour complete with appetizers and most likely dinner. The judge (me) will spring for the tab.

Winning answers will be based upon creativity, originality and humor. 
The judge's decision is final, although bribes are graciously accepted and encouraged. 

Winning answers will be posted on a future blog. 

So...take a break from shopping, put on the Ha-Ha hat and send your answers to

And speaking about IPPY Award winners...give the gift of words to that one who you adore.

Happy KwanHanuMas to all, 

Friday, December 12, 2014

I got walloped by a...

Pineapple Express! 
After hiking in Fall Canyon, I heard the forecast of impending monsoons and wind. At this point I figured staying below sea level in an area known for mud slides and flash floods might prove (at times)  I'm not the sharpest pencil in the holder.

So... I ran uphill with Barley to beautiful (yawn) Kingman, AZ. It's pouring Niagara Falls here. 
I scored the Gun Show rate at the local Days Inn. Don't tell the hotel owners my stand on weaponry. They might chase me down with two smoking barrels. 

Who knows where I'll be maƱana. Hopefully somewhere Pineapple Express proof. Probably not at the Kingman Gun Show.

Be safe and keep your powder dry,