My arms were so fatigued...

after my first kayak experience, I didn't have the strength to pick up an IPA.

Brother Mike came to my rescue once again. Now you see why I call him my hero? 

There I was on the Mighty Hanalei River shooting the rapids, beating the piranhas back and bailing like a banshee to stop the boat from swamping. Well, not exactly, but it sounded exciting. Didn't it?

Truthfully, I got sore and stiff in body regions I wasn't even aware I owned. Who knew muscles live underneath your armpits.

It was fun and peaceful and I would do it again. Next time though, I'll carry aspirins.

Sleep well,

Jeff 

Be aware of Kikaheinie Peak...

No, that's not the name of this whoop ass mountain. It's a trail named after an Hawaiian liquor-Okolehao. The official hike ain't no biggie, it's what comes after that makes it special. 

From the "TahoeSux" blog: 

Disclaimer and Warning

It’s unlike me to put a warning and disclaimer in anything that I write about.  The entire TahoeSux blog is devoted to outdoor adventures that carry risk.  It’s up to the individual to do their own risk assessment.  Having said that, the “advanced version” of the trail is quite strenuous and potentially dangerous.  Here are my warnings for the awesome, epic, and totally worthwhile second half of the ‘Okolehao trail.

Don’t do the second, more advanced version of the hike if:

You considered the first half difficult.  The first half is a walk in the park compared to the second half.

If you have any fear of heights or vertigo.  Portions of the trail are a little over a foot wide along a volcanic spine with a drop on both sides (awesome!).

You absolutely need the fixed ropes to get up and down.  Some of them are sketchy and rotting, and not to be relied on until you’ve seen what they are anchored to.

You aren’t comfortable clamboring up and down steep (near vertical in parts) sections of trail in slippery mud via roots and rocks.

You have to talk your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife into the hike.  Don’t bring anyone who isn’t stoked to be there.

There is heavy rain. Parts of the trail are slick even without rain.

The Kauai Revealed guidebook has this to say about the second half of the trail: “nasty, scary, hard core, and death-defying make that a must-miss alternative.”

It's pretty standard of me to be light on the research when I take off to explore in the morning. This one caught me ill-prepared. Only one liter of water for a sweat provoking ordeal. This full body work out bonked me 500 feet below the summit. Ahh-hah! Out of my pack came the Jewish equivalent of two Cliff bars, three Powerbars and and at least four bananas. 

What you ask is this magic manna? A bagel with Jif Peanut Butter and blueberry preserves of course. After the carbo fix, the peak was do-able. 

With all the bobbing and weaving, ups and downs on the narrow ridge lines, the elevation gain seemed Everest-like (minus the Sherpas, crevices and White Death.)

There's a few trail condition shots (note the rope), a pretty flower, and a once clean T-shirt ready for the rubbish bin.

Ain't retirement great? 

Going Native...

It didn't take long for my intrepid family members to start to hang loose in Kauai. Talk about fast learners.

Tomorrow they will go on a whale watching cruise while I go for a hike. I can't keep their "Go! Go! Go!" pace up. I'm only human, I need some rest. 

Besides, I get seasick in a bathtub. I don't want to be the passenger tossing "chum" to the cetaceans. Those humpbacks have to deal with enough pollution without me fouling the waters around them. 

Speaking of whales. I saw the Michael Jordan of humpbacks today at a nearby beach. This dude leapt out of the saltwater a few times in about a minute. I'm not sure if he could slam dunk, but from my vantage point he appeared to make all the right moves. Score!

This sure beats winter,

Good night from balmy Princeville,

Jeff

You Meet the Nicest People II...

On the Na Pali Coast trail. 

No! They aren't squatters. That's my brother/mentor/hero Mike and my bestest sister-in-law Robin. We are all hanging out together for a week on Kauai. 

They are newbies in the retirement game. I'll try and teach them a lesson or two about setting a comfortable pace in our non-work years. 

Retirement (as I see it) is based upon the "event of the day" and Happy Hour. After a few years, it becomes pretty routine. If you need further explanation on what constitutes an event of the day, go ahead and contact me. I'm available for a free consultation. If it's Happy Hour, I might ask for an IPA for payment. 

Such a deal!

BTW. I was the "Best Man" at Mike and Robin's wedding. I've been the Best Man for two other couples too. All three pairs of man and wife have been married now for over 115 years. 

So... If you want to get married and stay that way, ask me to be your Best Man. I'm a divorce lawyer's worst nightmare. 

Good night from Princeville,

Jeff

PS. Check out the Stonedhenge monument photo. (No typo there). 

Lackanuki Falls...

Only joking. The Hawaiians didn't name this beauty after the dreaded and feared social disease. But I did get you to click onto my blog site. See, sex or the lack of it sells. 

Its real name is Hanakapiai Falls. Say that three times fast without stopping. The route is 2 miles off the Na Pali Coast trail. For a day hike, it's worth the effort, especially since the trail is drying out. This doesn't mean you won't slip, just less chance of it happening.  It hasn't rained here in over a week. I'm not complaining.

Hang loose!

Jeff

The Ingredients of the Fountain of Youth...

Revealed! 

Every now and then someone will compliment me by saying, "Jeff, you don't look or act your age. What's your secret?" 

Well, I reckon the obvious ones are never getting married and possibly divorced (the chances in the US are almost flip-a-coin-able), and not siring any children (that I know of). 

The more apparent reasons are my consistent use of two preservatives. 

Before you scoff, hear me out.

Jif Peanut Butter is my choice ingredient for all the PB&J bagels and or sandwiches I consume in the course of a year. Jif can handle the rigors of Barley the Van travel. 100 degree heat or water freezing temperatures, it's still edible and spreadable. Now, that's the power of preservatives. 

India Pale Ale is brewed with ample quantities of hops. The female flower of the hop plant acts as a natural preservative. That precious yellow liquid had to stay fresh during those long voyages to the Sub-Continent. Those British brewers were smart and thirsty colonialists. 

As you know, I'm a hop-head. Love the IPAs and probably more so than Jif. 

So...by drinking/ingesting these two preservatives, I get preserved.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Besides, it was a slow news day.

Good night,

Jeff

Not all IPPY Award Winning Books...

Are equal. 

I shlepped this non-tome (Google the definition, I'm right) from the Mainland to Kauai. I can only judge it based upon the trail descriptions provided within its pages. (None of the other topics interest me). This literary drivel could be equivalent to the guidebook the infamous Donner Party used en route to the California coast, minus the cannabalism. 

I hiked the Powerline Trail today. Here's the info: "the trail is an old dirt road." Well, not so much as you can tell from the photo. Not only are the descriptions inaccurate, they are possibly dangerous if you follow the author's lame advice.

Take for instance, the use of flip-flops for river crossings. Is Mr. Doughty high? You and your sandals might be on a one way swim to the Pacific Ocean. The flip-flops won't be the ones screaming out for help though.

He also advises dumping water to save weight on the uphill slogs. (I won't toss drinking water until there is a faucet within reach).
He never mentions the squatters taking up space in his Na Pali Wilderness hike description. I did!
http://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2014/12/occupy-na-pali.html

Check out the 4X4 who lost the Happy Hour "I dare you to drive your Toyota on the Powerline trail." There's probably three other vehicles beneath it.

I included a photo of a well-written, entertaining, informative and accurate IPPY gold medal winning book. 

BTW, this exciting travelogue can be found on Amazon. I hear the author has become a blogger. 

Good night from Kapaa,

Jeff 

The Hawaiian Kings weren't Snowbirds...

They were Rainbirds!

 A fun Aloha State factoid: The old time Kauai Kings performed an annual migration within the island. In the winter they would escape the wetter, cloudier and cooler land mass near Wailua and head southwest toward dry and toasty Waimea.

And here I thought the Jews of the US were the originators of human seasonal migrations. 

Another Urban Legend shattered.

To be honest, I'm still amazed (after three weeks of being here) that there can be so much variation in weather on a speck of land 25 miles long by 33 miles wide. Isn't the Edmonton Shopping Mall of Alberta, Canada larger eh? 

Warm and dry is better than cold and wet,

Cheers!

Jeff

Hawaii's First Haole...

Captain James Cook. 

In January 1778, Cook and his crew from the HMS Resolution and Discovery made landfall in Waimea, Kauai. The explorer, navigator, cartographer and the Boss who kept his sailors scurvy-free named the archipelago the Sandwich Islands after the Earl and the First Lord of the Admiralty. (OK. He might have been a suck-up too.)

His crew restocked the ships with water, sweet potatoes, taro and other foodstuffs. They probably left behind rats, lice and a few social diseases. (Supposedly Hawaiian women were "easy".)

The good Captain went galavanting around the Pacific Ocean only to return to Hawaii in February 1779. Once again, there was a need to re-provision and repair the ships. 

The Captain and his horny crew might have desired a little nookie too. 

 This time they were anchored off the Big Island. This visit wasn't peace, love and happiness. Tensions arose when items from the ships went missing. There were threats and counter-threats. When the macho chest-thumping was over Captain Cook was doing the Dead Fish float in Kealakekua Bay. 

Obviously Captain Cook never heard the old adage. What do guests and fish have in common? After awhile they both start to stink. 

That'll learn 'em. 

Good night,

Jeff

The Kooky Trail...

The real name is Kukui but I'm worthless when it comes to the Hawaiian language. With only eight consonants, the words look and sound pretty similar to my "Haole" (white guy) eyes and ears. 

So...the 2,000 foot drop toward  the Waimea River didn't seem all to bad. 

The best part was meeting up with Mr. Jackson. This gentleman/hunter is nine decades worth of inspiration. 

Once I got him to confess to his age, I asked a lot of questions.

Here's our conversation.

Haole: How much does a wild pig weigh around here?

Mr Jackson: About 100 pounds.

Haole:  How much does it dress out to be? (Meaning how much pork)

Mr. Jackson: About 40 pounds.

Haole: Are you able to carry it out?

Mr Jackson: Do you see anyone else around?

I now have a new Hawaiian Hero.

Mahalo/Thank You Mr Jackson.

Most folks are true wimps (including this Haole) compared to you.

May you live longer and prosper.

Aloha/Good Morning...

From the Wandering. Wondering Jew.

Mahalo,

Jeff

Looks like it'll be a good day to go out and get muddy on the Kooky Trail. At least that's the way I  say it.

http://www.kauaiexplorer.com/hiking_kauai/kukui_hike.php

Anyone care to join me?

You meet the nicest people...

at the Olympic Cafe's Friday Free Taco Happy Hour!

Look who paddled their Ark over from yonder Princeville in the three inch/minute deluge?

It's that lovable couple from Carbondale, Colorado, Jim Jim and Martha. 

They are celebrating their Honeymoon on Kauai. Don't they make a cute pair?

I believe this union will stand the test of time. 

Cheers to them and thanks for the brews!

It was the most conversation I've had since I arrived in Hawaii over two weeks ago.

Its a couples world out there.

Sunny today. Perfect for a stroll along the beach. I'll wait until manana for the mud to return to solid form in the rain forest. 

Mahalo,

Jeff

My newest Hawaiian Home...

Well, for the next eight nights.

Yep, all the comforts of Barley the Van minus the wheels and engine.

These days the concept of "Home" is wherever my Nalgene bottle, beer, backpack, book, I Pad, coffee and cup are. I'll include a bag of muddy clothes requiring a wash too. 

From the sodden suburbs of Kapaa, (Did I mention, it rains often here?)

Jeff

The Hawaiian hiking trails...

are muddy, slick and eroded. 

Often, there's not much wiggle room for a misstep. So...don't make mistakes! No daydreaming out there. Stay focused!

If you do, photos like these (only better) will be your reward. 

As far as the fungus picture goes, I attached the lyrics from Jefferson Airplane's classic "White Rabbit." A gentle reminder to walk these routes stone cold sober. (Not stoned) 

"When the men on the chessboard.

Get up and tell you where to go

And you've just had some kind of mushroom

And your mind is moving low

Go ask Alice, I think she'll know" 

Enjoy the rest of 2015,

Jeff