Sunday, July 10, 2016

Five Years Ago...

This event changed me. 

I'm now walking proof that waking up in a ditch can alter one's perspective about life and death. 

On the third anniversary of my accident, I posted the "what happened" blog. 

Last year I posted possible solutions to curtailing the quiet carnage on the bicycle vs. vehicle battlefield. 

This year, I'll post a story I penned right after the accident. Writing this story was a "no shrink" form of therapy for me. (Think of the money I saved!) In retrospect, I know I was damaged both inside and out by that wayward sedan.

I named the yarn "A Second Chance." This might also explain why I'm famous for my heavy metal hugs. 

     Late lunch? Bonus miles in Glacier National Park? Early Happy Hour?

     These were some of my random thoughts as I huffed up the final pull toward the summit of Marias Pass. I was en route on my bicycle from West Glacier, Montana., to East Glacier on what was supposed to be a mellow seven to ten day circumnavigation of the Glacier/Waterton National Park complex. I was a mere half hour from completing these decisions when I was thrust into a cave.

     Total darkness … no sound … no brakes screeching … no thud of my body smashing the sedan’s windshield … no noise as I went rolling and tumbling across 35 feet of asphalt and gravel. When I awoke in a ditch, a Good Samaritan was applying spinal traction to my neck. The peripheral vision from my left eye saw the drip, drip, drip of blood oozing from my nose. My right eye was swollen shut.

     “What happened?” I asked weakly.

     “You got rear-ended by a car. Don’t move!” she answered. She then called out, “He’s coming around. I’ll need some help here.”

     I estimated I had checked out of planet Earth for five to ten minutes. First responders in civilian clothes assisted me as they poked and plodded my body and took primary and secondary surveys of my injuries.

     “Can you move your feet? Can you wiggle them? Squeeze my hands. Are you having trouble breathing?”

     The questions came fast and furious: I passed the tests with flying colors. My spinal column was not severed. I was alert enough to pick up a distinct British accent from the crowd gathering above me. I got his attention.

     “Was it you who hit me?”

     “Yes. I was sightseeing and looking at the mountains and drifted into you.”

     I might have said a few choice words to him, but I don’t recall. I don’t remember much, although I remember he never said he was sorry.

     An ambulance from Browning arrived and I was placed on an unforgiving backboard and cervical collar. We raced back to the ER with the emergency lights on and sirens blaring. It was a bumpy, rough ride as we careened down the pass and through a construction zone. A paramedic attempted two sticks to get an IV into me and failed both times.

     “Please don’t stick me again. I hurt enough already. They can do that in the ER under better conditions. I promise I won’t die before then.”

     “OK. We can hold off on it.”

     “Thanks.”

    At the ER, a doctor made her orders known. “He’ll need a CAT-Scan of his head. Get a set of X-rays for his neck, chest and spine. Set him up with an IV ASAP. We’ll need to monitor his vital signs.”

     The nurses and technicians efficiently carried out her orders. I was then in the hurry-up-and-wait mode of emergency medicine. A nursing student gently dabbed the grit, grime and dried blood from my many facial wounds and multiple areas of road rash. I even had road rash on the tops of my feet. Apparently, the force of the impact literally knocked me out of my shoes.

     The compassionate ER doctor came to my side to survey the carnage to my face. She held my hand as she said, “Those lacerations and avulsions will need the care of a plastic surgeon. I can stitch them for you, but they can do a better job. Would you like me to arrange a helicopter transport to Kalispell Regional Medical Center? We can have a plastic surgeon waiting for you.”

     “Please do. I am not a handsome man to begin with and I can use all the help I can get.” With that sad news, I knew my Hollywood contract as George Clooney’s double would surely be terminated. Shucks!

     “We’ll arrange it. The CAT-Scan of your head and brain came out with negative findings. That is a good thing. We are waiting now for the radiologist to evaluate your neck, chest and spine X-rays.”

     “Thanks for all the help. Can I get off of this backboard? It is really beginning to hurt me. I’m OK. I can move all of my parts.”

     “Please wait a few minutes until we get the radiologist report. This is all precautionary.”

     “OK. I’ll try.” The pressure point where my head contacted the backboard was starting to throb.

     A few minutes later, (which seemed much longer) the nice ER doctor came back. Once again she held my hand.

     “I have bad news. The radiologist found 11 fractures in your first 11 vertebrae. You have a broken sternum, too. There will be a neurosurgeon waiting for you in Kalispell, also.”

     “What? How can that be? I can move all of my parts. Are you sure those were my X-rays?”

     “Yes, those were your X-rays. You will get the best of care in Kalispell. I have a special place in my heart for bicycle riders. My son was killed by a driver 20 years ago when he was riding a bike. We will take care of you.”

     No wonder she was holding my hand.

     The helicopter flight crew came and checked me out. “We will hold off on the morphine drip until we get you to Kalispell. Jeff, we are going to give you a scenic ride over Glacier National Park. I am sorry to say you won’t get a chance to enjoy the views.”

     With little fanfare, I was loaded and airborne. They had placed painkillers in my IV, so I became groggy, blurry and disconnected. I remember taking a peek at the snowcapped mountains below. Alas, I would not get to enjoy my $11,000 taxi ride to Kalispell. This was all business.

     Upon arrival to my second ER of the day, a plastic surgeon went to work on my tenderized face.  

     “I will try to stitch you to minimize the scarring. However, there will be some scarring no matter what.” All in all, 20 stitches were applied to my eyebrows and right cheek. When she was done she asked. “Would you like to see my work in a mirror?”

     “Sure!” I steadied myself for the view. OMG! I was staring at a mini-version of Frankenstein. My mug was enough to make a child cry. Dating would truly be more challenging in my future.

     It was time to get past the cosmetics. A large neurosurgeon with sandy-colored hair and a stoic bedside manner approached me. “We won’t be operating on you. With all of your breaks, we would not even know where to begin. Your spinal column is intact and not being impinged upon. We will place you in ICU and monitor your X-rays. We will hope there are no radical changes or shifts in your column. Now it is time for you to go on a morphine drip." 

     “One question please. What is my long term prognosis?”

     “We don’t know. We don’t see many patients like you.”

     “Why is that?”

     “Because they are usually dead.”

     I whispered a lame, “Oh!”

     The next few days on the morphine drip were a haze of dreaming and snippets of reality thrown in. Concerned friends and family members phoned me. I have no recollection of the conversations. I do recall the nursing staff getting me up and out of bed. I even walked up a flight of steps under their watchful eyes.  

    Best of all, my older brother Mike arrived from New York City to take care of his “baby” brother. I wept shamelessly as he entered the room. He went on to prove once again why he is the best brother in the world.

     Four days after the impact, I was discharged from the hospital. My post-discharge orders were written out and terse. “Do Not Remove the Brace!” It looked like sponge baths and partial shampoos would be my method of hygiene for awhile. Gross.

     Mike and I began a 1,000-mile journey south to my old hometown of Fort Collins, Colorado. He drove and I navigated. The plan was for me to get a second opinion from another  neurosurgeon in the "Choice City." I also was offered a place to stay in order to convalesce in familiar surroundings. 

     I told Mike a few times: “I always wanted to take a road trip with you, but this is not what I had in mind.”

     Eight days after the accident, Mike and I listened to neurosurgeon number two, a no-nonsense, no-sugar-coating doctor who calls it like he sees it. He does not believe in small-talk. I suppose after 35 years in the game, he has that right.

     “Your vertebrae fractures are mild. You do have a definite broken sternum. I believe you will heal OK. We will take another set of X-rays in a few weeks to see if there are any changes. I doubt there will be. I’ll see you again in three weeks.”

     In my former life, I worked for 28 years as a firefighter/EMT for the city of Fort Collins. In emergency services, the term “mechanism of injury” is bandied about to predict the outcome of an accident.

    A small, 138-pound man being struck from behind by a sedan traveling at more than 50 mph is an obvious assault upon the body. Humans are not wired to survive such an ordeal. During my career, I went on calls for three similar bicycle accidents. For those unfortunate victims, there was no tomorrow. The one and only thing that separated me from them was my use of a bicycle helmet.

     Now in Fort Collins, I meet former lovers, friends and acquaintances on the street. I smile grandly as I maneuver in to hug them. If the hug lingers long enough, I usually score a life affirming squeeze at the end. I make sure to pay back that squeeze in kind.

     Second chances in life are precious. I do not wish to squander this one.

 

 

Yes, that personal calamity led to this. See Photo Two.

http://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2016/06/i-never-thought-of-myself-as-a.html


My advice to you; figure out what's important in your life. Try and follow those trails where the final destination is happiness. That's my IPA philosophy in simple terms. 


Photo Three. Do you think I should replace Barley the Van with this? 


Cheers! I'm back on the road in Barley the Van.

Bighorn Mountains here we come!

I'm beginning a two month roll around the West. This ought to be a good one.

Please look in to see America the Beautiful on this blog.

Jeff


PS. For further reading please check out:







Monday, July 4, 2016

And the Winner

Of the Great Wandering Wondering Jew Sweepstakes is….

ROSIE!


Thanks to all who played along. 

The contest didn't quite turn out the way I hoped it would. I couldn't entice anyone whom I didn't know to come out of the closet and be counted.

Maybe next time I'll have a sponsor (Bissell Brothers Brewing! Are you listening?) and present a bigger carrot.

Have a Happy, Healthy and Safe July 4th,
Jeff



Freedom is not free...

When the Second Amendment (the right to keep and bear Arms) was penned into the Bill of Rights in 1791, the United States consisted of the Original Thirteen Colonies plus one. There were less than four million citizens in all the States.

The Founding Fathers could never have imagined a United States spanning from Sea to Shining Sea (plus two detached states) with 324,000,000 citizens. (The term Manifest Destiny wasn't coined until 1845.) Yes, that''s an unfathomable amount of change in 225 years. 

In 1791, the weapons of choice were muskets (3-4 shots/minute) and single shot pistols. The Founding Fathers weren't Star Wars" visionaries. They didn't foresee a U.S. where ordinary citizens could legally purchase semi-automatic weapons capable of inflicting heavy casualties. These are Arms of mass destruction. 

Times change, people change and laws need to change. Semi-automatic weapons aren't reasonable under the guise of Second Amendment rights. AR-15's and other keep-pulling-the-trigger-until-you-need-a-new-clip weapons weren't the intent of the Second Amendment. 

The Founding Fathers were reasonable men. The U.S. Constitution  was written during the Age of Reason (or Enlightenment.)
From a West Georgia University article: a new age enlightened by reason, science, and respect for humanity

There's the kicker! Respect for humanity! 

It's time to find a common ground on the issue of gun control. Like so many Americans, I'm fed up with the NRA's unyielding stance concerning their sacred Second Amendment rights. 

What about the rights of the kindergarteners in Newtown, Connecticut?

What about the rights of the college kids at Virginia Tech University?

What about the rights of those popcorn eating movie goers in Aurora, Colorado? 

What about the rights of the nightclubbing adults in Orlando, Florida?

They can't speak up for their rights. These victims have been silenced forever. 

Back in the day when I was in the work mode, a fellow firefighter (who I hardly ever agreed with) opined.
"A well-armed society is a polite society."

In my world a well-armed society is one spiraling toward anarchy and chaos. It might be fun to watch a "Mad Max" movie, but I wouldn't want to live in it. 

Sometimes we need to give up a few freedoms just so others won't be denied theirs.  
I'm OK with that. 

America is still a great big beautiful country to live in. Come along this summer and I'll show you. 

Have a safe and Happy Fourth of July,
Jeff


Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Rocky Mountain National Park...

"Now he walks in quiet solitude, the forest and the streams, seeking grace in every step he takes.
His sight is turned inside himself, to try and understand
the serenity of a clear blue mountain lake."

Rocky Mountain High lyrics by John Denver
(It's not often I'll quote John Deutshendorf, Jr)

At 101 years young RMNP is still a precious gem amongst our Nation's Parks. 
Unfortunately, being beautiful has its price. It's the third most visited NP in the U.S. Last year a whopping 4.16 million trod upon its roads and trails. That would be similar to having the entire state of Oregon's population stopping by for a visit. (If that ever happened, I'd race to Oregon. Think of all the untrammeled recreational opportunities there would be.)

Yes, RMNP can get Grand Central Station crowded, but there are ways to avoid rubbing body parts with your fellow hikers. As a service to my billions of fans, I'll point the way. 

One: Wake up early. I'm not talking about the  "Today Show"  early. I mean just a nub of gauzy light early. Kind of when sunrise is a distant rumor. 

Two: Drink two pots of strong Starbuck's coffee washed down with a substantial breakfast. 

Three: Start driving to the trailhead avoiding all the deer, elk and moose who are all in the midst of a quiet Animal Planet moment. Make sure you smile, wave and say good morning to the four-legged vegans as you ease by.

Fourth: Park your ride. There will be plenty of spaces to choose from. 

Fifth: Do a little fussing and packing and start up the trail. The air will be as crisp and cool as that first swallow of a Union Jack IPA. (That will come later at Happy Hour.) 

Sixth: Enjoy! You will be alone. Just you and your thoughts and the beauty that surrounds you. A good way to start the day. More than likely, you won't see anyone until you begin to head back down to civilization. 

That's when you'll encounter the legions of the ill prepared.
As in this recent episode: 

On my return from Timber Lake, I saw a portly mid-60's couple. They were decked out in the latest Walmart sneakers, cotton socks, jeans and black Harley Davidson shirts. Neither wore a pack.

After I said a friendly "Hello!" the gentleman asked me.

"How much further to the lake?" He was already panting. 

"Well Sir, it's a ways and you haven't even begun the 2,000 feet of climbing. It might not be a good idea to try for the lake. You aren't carrying any food, water or extra dry clothes in case a storm rolls in." 

"I'm carrying water!" With that said, he pulled out a plastic 8 ounce bottle of clear liquid for the two of them! 

"Sir, in Colorado we call that amount of water a shot. People don't age in this state, they desiccate." 

"Well, maybe we won't go the lake then."

At least this gentleman saw the light.
BTW: This couple were only a half a mile from the parking lot.

Riddle! How can you spot a Texan who is ill prepared? The same scenario as above except they are holstering a side arm attached to their belt. I suppose Fox Fear Network might have ran a story about man-eating marmots. 
.
Personally, spotting an armed hiker in the wilds constitutes a clear and present danger to me. I leave the scene ASAP. 

Jeff's Rule of Thumb states.  The ill prepared hiker factor increases exponentially as the sun rises. 

BTW. I wasn't paid to write that rant about being ill prepared by REI, although it would have been nice.

I'll shut up and let the Centennial Park plus one speak.

Please be safe out there, 
Jeff

There's still time to sign up! 












Wednesday, June 22, 2016

PSA II...

The end result. 

When I wrote a blog about my high PSA (prostate specific antigen) test I was amazed at the many responses I received.  


Three buddies stepped forward and provided  me with scary, yet useful information. They relayed their personal experiences of having this trouble making gland surgically removed. All three were incredibly honest in their assessment of what life is like without a prostate. Surprisingly, they were all upbeat about their futures. They had beaten cancer. 

Then again, I heard from many who had also heard the bad news of an elevated PSA test. More than a few went on to undergo a painful biopsy. The results were good in their favor. Yet, in introspect, the bloody procedure seemed so unnecessary. 

I even received strongly worded messages from a few women acquaintances. As far as I know, women don't own a prostate, but they sure have opinions! 

With all these wide ranging thoughts going through my head, I paid a visit to a Boulder urologist on June 14th. 


After a back and forth session of information gathering by both patient and Doctor, we got down to business.

"Well, Jeff, it's time for you to assume the position." 

I sheepishly submitted to a body cavity probe. (Never again will I think of going into a burning building as a strange choice of careers.) 

When he was done,  he told me what I already knew. "You have an enlarged prostate." 
No surprise since I've sat on a bicycle seat for over a quarter million miles in my life. I was pleased that he didn't exclaim, "Oh My God! There's a bloat of wallowing hippopotamuses growing on your prostate!" 

The Doctor then advised me make an appointment for an ultrasound prostate test. He also wrote out orders for a more in depth PSA blood test. 

On June 16th, a vial of red stuff was drawn from me and sent to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. (No wonder health care is so expensive.) 

Today, I opened up a secure website to see my grades. Here's my scores:

6/16/2016 10:50 AM
  • TOTAL PSA 2.30 ng/mL
  • FREE PSA 0.30 ng/mL
  • PSA RATIO F/T See Comments ng/mL

Dr. Lonny said they rate a "very good." 

I am now very relieved and happy. Maybe now I'll be less distracted in my day to day activities. (Like losing five Nalgene bottles in a month and driving over a solar shower). 

Now I can on with my travel plans for the summer and go back to being a full time Wandering, Wondering Jew. It's a dirty job but someone's got to do it. 

To all of you who did welfare checks on my mental health along with good tidings, a sincere Thank You! It was very appreciated. 

I know I worried about this a lot. Sid Sambur passed on his worry gene to me. 

Sid also had prostate cancer at my age. 

I bought lakeside property to celebrate. I'm camped at Horsetooth Reservoir for another night. Come on up and join me and Barley. I have plenty of IPAs and I'm willing to share.

It's true, health is our greatest wealth. Just ask Steve Jobs if you were now able to.

There are so many pretty places to see.
Cheers and thanks again,
Jeff

PS! There still time to sign up for the G W,W J Sweepstakes!






Thursday, June 16, 2016

My Father didn't play with...

me. 

For Sid, being a Dad meant being a good provider. He brought home the brisket (can't say bacon. Our kitchen was strictly kosher). We were raised with Old World family values. This makes sense since my parents were escapees from Hitler's insane concept of human genetics. (That is why I flinch when a Presidential candidate proposes "round ups" based on ethnicity.) 

In the Sambur household parenting tasks were strictly divided and adhered to.

Clara was in charge of nurturing, hugs, feeding us (too much) and making sure we wore our galoshes on rainy days. In Mom's eyes, her three children were God's perfect creations.. Mommy's love of her "boychicks" (little boys) was boundless. We could do no wrong. I think she  often overlooked our transgressions in a Jewish Motherly way.

Dad provided the reality check. Sid's approach to parenting was laissez faire. He believed in hands on intervention only if we strayed away from the concept of being a "mensch." (From the Merriam-Webster Dictionary: a person of integrity and honor.)

Punishment came in two forms. We would hear about our screw ups forever, despite our many hang-our-heads-down apologies. When I became an adult, I still found myself muttering "I'm sorry" to him for a bad deed done decades ago.. It's true, Jewish guilt is the gift that keeps on giving. 

The other form was physical, but never brutal. If we were given the choice, we would have chosen physical over emotional. At least, the slap was over and done with in a second. 

Sid still loved us, just sort of in a different way. 

I'm pretty sure I became a mensch too.

Now I'll get to the point:

I've  never been a father (at least, not that I'm aware of) but I've been around a lot of children. Instinctively, I follow Sid's example and tend to shy away from these miniature humans. Sure, I'll smile at them, wave and say hello, but I'd rather be somewhere else. Being around kids never felt natural to me. 

Well, that changed with Little Dylan. She stole my heart. I think it's her smile that's so reminiscent of Clara's. OK. She giggles a lot too. 

I think Sid would've been taken by her too. He might have even played with her. 

Happy Father's Day! Sid! 
I love you. Thanks for instilling me with sensible values.

It's not too late to sign up for the Great Wandering, Wondering Jew Sweepstakes
OY! What have you got to lose?
http://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2016/06/the-great-wandering-wondering-jew.html



Sunday, June 12, 2016

Fight or Flight...

I'm an escapist.

For 28 years I served as a mercenary for the Poudre Fire Authority. I received good wages to battle occasional blazes and deal with medical emergencies that would make normal citizens cast their eyes skyward to an imaginary Goodyear Blimp. It was a career that suited the aggressive side of me. That's my fight instinct.

(Read all about it in my book Destroying Demons on the Diagonal)

http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&page=1&rh=n:283155,p_27:Jeff%20Sambur/

When a situation or a relationship begins to be bothersome, I take to the hills. Literally. That's my flight instinct kicking in. Maybe that's why I wander so much.

So when Dr. Lonny informed me my Prostate Specific Antigen test came in high, I went into flight mode. (After making an appointment to see a urologist on June 14th.)


I sought succor in four reliable pastimes: baseball, buddies, brews and views. I've been on the road since May 26th. 

Here's a few of the venues I gave flight to: 

Paid homage to 14 Fallen Firefighters. 

Took in five games of Junior College World Series Baseball in Grand Junction. It's always a pleasure to visit Jack, Judy and John T too.

Another visit to Great Sand Dunes National Park. I'll never tire of the sensual subtle curves of those high dunes. (Forgive me. It's been awhile since I had a GF) Its amazing what Mother Nature can do with sand, wind and water in the right setting. 

Lastly, I was ambushed by a rock on my descent off of West Spanish Peak. Outcome: A visit to the ER and four stitches. (If you want to see the gore, look it up on Facebook.) Steven Spielberg is thinking about making my self rescue into an action adventure film starring George Clooney as the Jewish blogger.


Alas, you can run but you can't hide. Occasionally I'd give thought to my upcoming Doctor's appointment. The other night I woke from an awful dream. My heart was pounding as if I was trying to keep pace with the Kenyans sprinting the NYC Marathon. 

The nightmare went like this. I was at the urologist's office. The Doctor, who had the bedside manner of Josef Mengele, told me too bluntly that I had prostate cancer. He then laughed. 

If the urologist looks like the sicko in my nightmare, I'll tell him what I think of the Aryan Race and the Final Solution. Then I'll leave. That'll teach him to mess up my night's rest.

I'm hoping this dream doesn't come true. 

Wish me luck,
Jeff