Goodbye to HI...

"Relax" is the slogan often seen on Tommy Bahamas products.

 I've been on Hawaii for 10 weeks, I'm ready to move onto another slogan. Hell, I'll even try Nike's lame, "Just do it!" motto. I'm weary of sitting. I'm failing at being a Beach Bum. 

http://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2015/02/the-beach-chair-blues.html

I'm not a water based mammal. I'm terrestrial. I have a college degree in forestry, not oceanography. 

http://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2015/02/sightings-of-loch-ness-monster-are.html

I've run out of things to do. Before you scoff and think, "how can anyone grow tired of Paradise?" Hear me out.

Hawaii's land mass is 4.1 million acres. Public lands make up 43%. Sound good so far,  right?  However, stats can be conceiving. 

The Feds own about 9%. Most of these acres lie in the two Volcanic National Parks. That's cool, but limited amount of hiking. Our Mighty Military controls the remaining acres which they have exclusive rights to. It's not a good idea to pick wild flowers on their installations. 

The rest of the public land is owned by the state of Hawaii. The Aloha State Government does an admirable job with its oceanside properties. Makes sense, since most of the locals and tourists love to frolic in the salt water of the islands.

Unfortunately, the Hawaiian State Parks system seems to manage with a laissez faire approach to its anterior land holdings. It's a free for all in there. 

http://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2014/12/occupy-na-pali.html

Where there is fresh water, more than likely you will find squatters. 

The majority of the islands land mass is privately owned. Land ownership is a highly charged, complicated and contentious issue among the native Hawaiians. (Isn't it always with indigenous people?) Suffice it to say, the locals got screwed by the Haoles (white folks). 

You can't flip an apple core without striking a "No Trespassing, Private Property" or the Hawaiians version "Kapu" sign in these parts.

So...Jeffy what's your point?

I've stayed a week too long on small islands.

I would have to sprout gills, fins and scales to find more to do here. (All the requirements of a Kosher fish)

I'm used to places like the Weiminuche Wilderness in Colorado for my wandering ways. I need my space! 

http://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-weminuche-wilderness.html

Next winter, I'm thinking Central or South America or both for my getaway. I'm open to ideas and suggestions. Jeffsambur@gmail.com

Would I return to the Aloha State? Heck yeah! Maybe (God Willing) as a couple so I'll fit in more. 

This sure beats winter.

Next stop! Our Mainland's Southwestern National Parks. Ahh! 

Does anyone know a cure for tendinitis of the butt? I've developed a bad case from all this sitting. 

See the last photo? I wasn't making this VOG stuff up! 

http://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2015/01/caught-up-in-vog-of.html

A Long Day to (Cough! Cough!)...

Volcanoes  National Park 

The nice Ranger assured me there's nothing wrong with breathing the air in the park.

"Today, the sulfur dioxide isn't too bad. Besides it's the particulate matter that's the real problem. It's kind of like gasified glass."

Hmmm. Nothing like inhaling a ground up beer bottle while hiking.

The 7.5 mile trail is between two venting  volcanoes. The Big Island is a volcanologist wet dream. 

The landscape is featureless. The color varies from charcoal black to asphalt black. It's the Goth look living large. 

Finding your way through this geologic maelstrom would be nearly impossible if not for the cairns acting as beacons through the chaos.

As you can see from the photos the lava flows destroys rain forests and public work projects with equal impunity. 

I've had my fill of Volcanoes National Park. I prefer my volcanoes to be like Mount Saint Helens. There you can find Mother Nature working overtime. A lot less bleak. I like that. 

Should I be worried about the blood in my sputum? 

Good Night from Cough! Cough! Kona,

Jeff 

A Valentines Day Hug

so far.

It began with a 75 drive to the end of the road. Literally. Then hike down 1,200 feet and back up 1,200 feet in less than two miles (twice) to score one romantic interlude. 

OK. So it's a Banyan Tree. Do you have a problem with that? 

Afterward, I basked in the after glow. But it was probably sweat. 

Hope all you Honeymooners had a wonderful Valentines Day.

To the few singles out there, it's safe to come out of hiding now.

Cheers!

It's a Couples World...

Especially in Hawaii.

I guess I should have been suspicious when I booked my flights with Hawaiian Airlines.

When I entered "1" for number of passengers, the following internet dialogue began:

Airline: "One Passenger? Are you sure?"

Me: "Yes"

Airline: "I'll have to speak to my supervisor. Please hold."

I was getting kind of nervous in the interim. Was I on a Homeland Security "Watch Out For This Dude!" List? Maybe I shouldn't have thrown that banana peel out of my van's window.

Airline: "We don't get this request often. We will transport your solo body to the Aloha State, but we'll have to assess a being single surcharge. The state of Hawaii doesn't condone this sort of behavior. We hope you understand. Mahalo!"

So I paid extra to be in a winter paradise. Little did I know my I Phone's "Siri" application would be my one source of conversation here. She's good at telling me where to go, but that's about it. 

So...Happy Valentines Day to all you Honeymooners.

I'll be hiding out in my room until the Duo Day blows over. 

I did the same on New Year's Eve.

Don't eat too many chocolates.

Um Um Good...

He/She is  in the soup pot now.

Only joking. Seeing turtles and whales have been the highlight of my time in Hawaii.

Almost as awesome as shopping in Maui.

The great thing about turtles is that they don't run away.

It's Happy Hour Time!

Green Turtle Diaries...

I heard rumors about a shallow lagoon where Man-Eating Green Turtles stalk and prey upon clueless tourists like me. 

Since I'm always on the prowl for a potential blog, I decided to risk it all for my  faithful readers. (All twenty or so of you).

   

These terrible terrapins (they aren't really terrapins, but it sounds better this way) lurk on the shoreline waiting for their two-legged meals to arrive. Then when you are in their surf, they pounce! A few will latch on to you and drag you under until they sense your dying quivers. Then they give each other "High Flippers" before the shredding and munching begins.

These are ruthless marine life forms. They strike fear in the hearts of all sea grasses.

They are harmless (gluten free) vegetarians. They are sort of cute too, in a pathetic way. They are on the Endangered Species list.

I had lunch with one. He/she blinked a few times. That was it. This species has basking down to a fine art form. I was humbled and kind of bored just waiting for him/her to do something! 

I loved it though. 

They live to be around 80. Will he/she remember our brief moment together? I doubt it, but I will. 

Good Night from Kona,

Jeff

It was a good game plan...

Hit the road early, hike through 10 miles of rain forest and have time to give Hilo the once over.

Funny how the hike description and map forgot to mention the 2.5 mile road to the trailhead was on private property. Whoops! With thoughts of the Hawaiian version of "Deliverance" (ukuleles instead of banjos) I didn't force the issue. 

I'll lay it on the I Pad line, if you read something on the "Wandering, Wondering Jew" blog site, the information is accurate and honest. I crossed all my toes and fingers while I typed that. 

So...I played tourist and visited a waterfall, a Botanical Garden and gritty and gray Downtown Hilo.

I drove over 200 miles. They don't call this the Big Island for nada. Fun Factoid: all the other Hawaiian islands combined would fit into the still-growing BIg Island.

I found more Wandering Jews! They seemed pretty well entrenched. They must be on a wandering hiatus. I do that every now and then myself. 

I'm going to limit my driving to less than 100 miles mañana.

Good night from VOGGY Kona,

Jeff