I have acute Chionophobia...

From the source of all knowledge. AKA Google.

The fear of snow, or chionophobia, is often linked to other phobias. Those with fears of cold or severe weather. 

It’s safe to say I’m no fan of winter. Never was nor will I ever be.

I have my reasons. Mostly they are the close encounters of death/injuries I’ve experienced due to the icy white stuff. For me, winter has never been about making snow angels. The cold season is about avoiding snow demons.

Here’s a few frigid examples:

The first and last time I went downhill skiing was back in 1978. After a few runs on the “Bunny Slopes”, my friends  deemed me worthy of the “Black Diamond” slopes at Aspen Highlands ski area. I wasn’t ready. The mountainside was a sea of humpback whale-sized moguls. I made a lame attempt to retreat to easier grades. Alas, a ski went one way, my knee went the other way and POP! No more intact anterior cruciate ligament. My left knee has never been the same since. 

Years later, I tried cross country skiing. On one particular bad day a storm rolled in unexpectedly when me and a buddy were sliding around on Montgomery Pass in Colorado. The  snow began to fly horizontally. The visibility went opaque. The trail became obscure. The temperatures were spiraling down in an un-summer like way. We somehow managed to grope our way down through diminishing conditions and impending night to the parking lot. I kissed my jalopy. That was the last time I went cross country skiing. 

Then there was  the time I was returning from Moab, UT back to Fort Collins, CO. It was mid-November and I was heading east on I-70. My Ford Explorer hit a malevolent patch of black ice. I slid south to north across three lanes of traffic. Miraculously a 80,000 pound gross vehicle weight semi-truck took evasive action and narrowly missed me and my Ford by three feet. I doubt if I would have survived a direct hit. I had to pull off the Interstate to regain my composure after that one. It was about the last time I ventured into the mountains during winter driving conditions. 

Here’s one more Owwie. Recently, I hit the concrete after slipping on clear ice in Durango.  I mangled my elbow. This occurred over two weeks ago. I can now barely raise my right arm above my head. It takes a few double IPAs and handfuls of aspirins to dull the pain. 

Lastly Jews weren’t bred for winter. Moses and his Hebrew minions didn’t wander around the steppes of Siberia for forty years eating cold manna. They were tough and hung out in a cloudless Middle Eastern desert without the benefits of sunscreen or skin moisturizers. Jews aren’t called the “Frozen Chosen.” Which brings up the old joke. “What’s a Jewish woman’s favorite wine? Answer. “I wanna go to Miami!” 

My mental and physical injuries weren’t always centered around me. During my career as a firefighter/EMT I attended to many senior citizens who had run-ins with Jack Frost. We’d find Edna or Elmer lying supine on the cold ground. Kind citizens or caring family members would heap piles of comforting blankets upon the Old Timers. We were always extra gentle with these elderly patients. Eventually we would pull the blankets aside to access their injury. If we saw a shortened leg awkwardly rotated outward, we all sighed a silent “Oh Shit!” A probable broken hip. For these unfortunate folks the next blanket placed upon them might go up and over their heads. A fractured hip from an icy slip is a death sentence for many elderly.

https://medicalxpress.com/news/2018-06-hip-fractures-elderly-death-sentence.html

Falls weren’t the only problems seniors faced. There’s influenza, carbon monoxide poisoning and just dialing 911 because they felt isolated and alone. On wintery call outs where we didn’t require all hands on deck, I’d grab a snow shovel and clear their steps, sidewalks and doorways. It was my preventative maintenance program to keep these Oldsters out of the morgue. I knew one day I too would grow old.

For these reasons and so many others, (IE: long shadows, short days) I fear the harsh season. 

Am I happy about this? Absolutely not. Being a snow and cold weenie makes life complicated. It’s expensive too. (I’m now paying rent in Durango as well as in Snobsdale, AZ.) i never wanted to leave Durango, just winter. 

I don’t want to slip and break my hip! 

Cheers from Snobsdale where nobody knows your name,

Jeff

PS. You know another thing I don’t like about winter? There are no flowers or baseball.

“I have to get a picture...

of this.” 

Is what Mayor Melissa Youssef giggled as she aimed her I-Phone at the Standing Room Only crowd packing  Durango’s City Council Chamber and hallway on November 19th. 

What local issue could be so important as to interrupt a Tuesday Happy Hour? 

Anti-Plastic Bag Passion that’s what. A local group named Durango Beyond Plastic was coordinating an effort to ban single use plastic bags in my new home town. This “environmental conservation organization” (from Facebook), arrived with over 1,200 petition signatures (mine included) and over 150 (my estimate) supporters. 

I slipped into the Chamber and sat below the elected officials. I felt like Jimmy Stewart in “Mister Smith Goes to Washington” minus his distinct drawl.

Here’s what this blogger noticed: 

The civic minded crowd was overwhelmingly Caucasian with a smattering of Hispanics and Native Americans. The age range ran from babies in diapers to oldsters possibly in “Depends.” 

The speakers were informative and well spoken. One High School aged coed claimed she didn’t want to bear a child in a World of Climate Change and continuing environmental degradation. I was saddened by this comment.

Other than that sobering statement, the atmosphere was festive. The pro-ban plastic bag activists waved their reusable bags whenever a positive comment was made. This was often. I noticed a few smirks on the esteemed city council members too.

The one thing that really caught my wandering-always-looking-for-a-story eye was a sign over the entryway. It simply read “Civility First! Take the Pledge!” Later that evening, I went online and did just that. 

From the Durango Government website:

“What are the traits of the Civility First Durango Pledge Program?

Respect Fairness Compassion Consideration Kindness Responsibility Sincerity Acceptance.”

A few days later I was presented with the chance to act upon these words of wisdom.

I was working my second gig at the “Friends of the Library” used bookstore. Its not a strenuous job. I get to read, people watch and occasionally sell a book. I was half way through my shift, when I observed a senior citizen going through the aisles of books. Her clothes were a bit frayed. Her white hair was mussed. She walked with a limp. Eventually she approached my desk with five books. I tallied up the total price of the books. Then things got awkward. She pulled out her purse. She bit her lower lip. She looked inside her purse and sighed. 

“I don’t have enough money for all the books.” 

I looked up, “Well, today is your lucky day. You are going home with all these good books.” I reached for my wallet and pulled out the money to make up the difference.

She sincerely thanked me. “Now I’ll have enough left over to buy a hamburger at McDonald’s.” 

A Win, Win situation for all. I like that. That’s a mighty fine pledge to make in a mighty fine town.

Next week I’ll be temporarily leaving Durango to head to the warmer climes of Snobsdale, AZ. 

I don’t want to leave Durango, just winter.

BTW: As of this posting, the fate of the plastic bag ban has been undecided by the city council. 

Do the world a favor, tote a reusable shopping bag into a store. I promise, shlepping a bag from your vehicle won’t be the biggest stressor of your day.

Cheers,

Jeff 

“Don’t look back...

Something might be gaining on you.”

Satchel Paige

Yes. We are all growing older.

Except! This past year, I experienced a decade’s worth of aging.

The feeling of maturing came in two phases. The first was watching friends and family go out on injury leave  The majority were cancer related. Most notably were Mike (AKA the best brother in the world) and 40 year buddy Kevin D. Fortunately both seem to have responded well to treatment. 

Then there were a few who didn’t make the cut for the roster of the living. The list included one of my favorite people on the planet. (AKA Joe “Trauma” S.)  That one really hurt and still does. 

https://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2019/06/parting-is-nothing-

The second phase was personal. 

It was just two days after I turned 64, arthritis took up permanent residence  in my left knee. If you thought I walked funny before, you ought to see me hobble now. 

The hits kept on coming. Here’s a few examples:

The semi-automatic “Rat-Tat-Tat” heartbeats that alarm clocks me into full wake up mode. A few thought provoking minutes later, my heart rate resumes its usual 58 beats/minute.

The “almost pass out” head rushes I score while tipping my noggin back to take a sip of water.

The fact that I’m shrinking (I only had 64 inches of height to begin with) but my ears and nose appear to be lengthening. I won’t mention the hairs emanating from them.

My bum makes contact with Mother Earth more often than before. In other words, I fall a lot while hiking. 

The lame injury I sustained from the simple act of flipping a blanket over me. (tweaked back). Better yet. Spraining my wrist while turning a book’s page.  Strenuous stuff.

The numerous episodes of epistaxis without the trauma of being punched in the nose. 

My skin is thinning. A brush up against a twig will cause major hemorrhaging. Lately a hike is not complete without a blood letting

The higher than average times I lose my train of thought while speaking to others.  Occasionally my listeners will tell me, “That’s OK Jeff,  the cars were probably empty any how.” 

So maybe a few of you are thinking. Jeffy! What are you doing about all these Owwies and afflictions? 

My answer? Absolutely nothing. I don’t want to know the “Why?” I chalk it up to attempting to be an endurance athlete with the DNA of a merchant. I wasn’t bred for an active/outdoor life. 

However, I reckon as long as I possess the physical and mental Mojo to lace up my trail runners, slip on a pair of my signature baggy black shorts and get “Out There!” I can’t be too hurt or impaired. 

So that’s what I do. 

Who says ignorance isn’t bliss? 

I’m 65 and I still go over the speed limit occasionally.

Stay in motion. The other option sucks.

Cheers,

Drinking IPAs won’t hurt you either.

Jeff

Just like Bronco Football at...

Mile High only different.

Since I moved to Durango in August 2019, I’ve done my best to dip both feet into the concept of  “Local Community.” 

Surprisingly, I found there’s a BIGLY amount of events occurring in this small town of 19,000 inhabitants. 

In order not to miss a beat, I decided to use a hands on approach to finding out what’s going on. To do this, I’m religious when it comes to reading the Telegraph weekly newspaper, scanning the colorful posters found in brewpubs and grocery stores and checking the”Durango Events” website. With these informative sources I’ll choose one from Column A, two from Column B etc.

I’ll  pass on events that scream out “Jeffy! This is NOT for you! Stay Away!” IE: The Labor Day Weekend Four Corners Motorcycle Rally. (I hid that long weekend.) 

In late August, I noticed a poster announcing the Fort Lewis College Football Schedule. Well, I like watching football. So I went online to get a ticket. Hmm. No online ticket sales. From the website “all tickets are sold at the gate.” I thought, that’s odd..

On game day, I made my way up to the breezy Mesa where Fort Lewis College resides. I looked about for a STADIUM. You know, multi-level stands, banks of flood lights and lots of crowd noise. The usual stuff. Nothing was tackling me. 

I turned right when I spotted a Fort Lewis Police Officer driving his rounds.

“Excuse me! Where’s the football stadium?” 

He gave me a 180 degree wave. 

“It’s over there. If you go past Talon Lane you went too far.”

No wonder I couldn’t find it. The Skyhawk’s playing field sits below a sixteen foot berm. There’s plenty of free parking available in nearby lots. The ticket office consists of a fold-up table under an EZ Up canopy.  The cost of a senior ticket is a paltry $5. There’s no bands or scantily clad cheerleaders. The football players run by a gauntlet of appreciative fans. There’s elk poop on the upside of the grassy berm. The Steamworks Brewery beer garden sits practically in the end zone.

I started to grin and take photos.

Skyhawk Football is emblematic of Durango, CO. It’s approachable. It’s laid back. It’s  uncrowded. It’s small town community fun.

https://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2019/10/i-wasnt-born-in-small-town.html

For the record, the Skyhawks lost yesterday to Colorado State University-Pueblo 21-13. The Local Heroes had more penalties than completed passes. Oh well. Can’t win them all. Which brings up this point. The Skyhawks have won more games this season than that other team in Denver. (Minus the $101 cost of a ticket and the $15-$20 offsite parking fee too.)

I know which team I’d rather see. 

So far, I’ve attended two games. The season finale is on November 16th. I’ll be there. Come join me. I’ll spring for a half time brew.

Who knows? If enough fans attend maybe we can do the Wave?

Go Skyhawks!

Jeff

Last photo: No long lines to use the facilities either.

WARNING! Paria Canyon is not for the...

Rupophobic! 

Yes, if you fear dirt, dust, mud and scrunchy sand getting into any and all orifices, hiking Paria Canyon might not be your cup of silt. If that’s not enough of a shudder, there’s lots of ankle-to-waist deep “too thin to plow, too thick to drink” River wading miles to deal with too.  Oh! Did I mention the shoe-sucking quicksand?

Yes, Paria is both beautiful yet messy. The Paiutes Indians tried to warn us White Folks. They gave the River it’s name. Paria means “muddy water.” Hydrological studies have occasionally found two pounds of silt/mud in a Mason quart jar of so called Paria water. No wonder my trail runner shoes began to weigh as much as Fabiano boots. 

While picking up the backpacking permit in Kanab, the nice BLM folks informed us of a series of flash floods that temporarily changed the Canyon’s conditions. 

“A flash flood caused a rock slide to block a portion of the river. Hikers were practically swimming for a few miles.” She went on to inform us “Another flash flood came through and cleared the rock debris. You won’t have to swim.”

Brad (brother from another Mother) and I had to deal with mud, mud and more mud. Solid footing was a rarity. On one particularly greasy stretch, I wiped out and wallowed in the muck three times. Sure footed Brad only went down once. We were moving at a less than two mile/hour pace. A cold front chased us out of the canyon a day earlier. We covered the 38 miles in three long days. 

In October, 2009, I visited the Canyon with another brother from another Mother. Nelson and I had to deal with another set of obstacles. A flash flood had gouged out three deep pools. There was no getting around them. The pool’s depth was tall.  Nelson and I are short. Neither of us wanted to wade through with our dry clothes on. Our solution was to run them in the raw. I went first. The waterline went up to my chest. The temperature of the pool was hypothermia inducing. It wasn’t a leisurely swim. 

We did three deja vu’s of this scene. After our immersion in the third pool we were shivering. It was time to stay high, dry and walk in the sun. The rest of our hike was pleasantly uneventful except for having to be fished out of a few pockets of quicksand. 

Despite these travails, Nelson and I were both smiling at the end.

Here’s my point: Canyons like people, change. Mother Nature is dynamic and so are we. In a relatively short time I’ve gone from a full-time traveler to a homebody sprawled out on a La-Z Boy recliner with a comforter encapsulated me.

I’m not complaining. 

But here’s what hasn’t changed. The human requirement for wild places. 

When I maneuver out of this cozy chair, I still want the views, the open spaces, the places devoid of people, the dust, sweat and mud that comes with being alive and active Out There. I’m OK with the mess. Apparently I’m not rupophobic.

I’ll leave you with three quotes from the not-so-rich but famous. 

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.

John Muir

 “Wilderness is not a luxury but a necessity of the human spirit, and as vital to our lives as water and good bread. A civilization which destroys what little remains of the wild, the spare, the original, is cutting itself off from its origins and betraying the principle of civilization itself.”

Edward Abbey.

“The idea of wilderness needs no defense, it only needs defenders.”

Edward Abbey.

It’s safe to say, I’m a defender of Wilderness. 

Let’s fight the good fight to protect and preserve wild places.

Jeff

“I thought it would be bigger.”

One might figure a shrinking senior citizen who occupies 5’4” of length and 138#s of space would never think of any place in such a manner. But I did, after finally getting a gander of the Wave. 

Before I continue, allow me to schmooze about the Wave. A hiker just can’t mosey into the Wave. No. A permit is required. That green light is one of the most elusive entry passes in the World. (Actually, I’m not sure of this, but it seemed that way to me. (There were over 160,000 applicants for 7,240 yearly slots in 2017. That’s a lowly 4.25% chance of winning). For over a decade, I’d arrive at 8:30 am for the 9 am lottery at the BLM office in Kanab, UT. After filling out the paperwork I waited for the drawing to begin. Eventually ten lucky individuals would become the Chosen Ones. Despite crossing my fingers and kissing my mezuzah, my number was never called in the Bingo lottery.

Being rejected is a crappy way to start a day. 

In the last few years, I decided to test my Karma on the internet BLM Wave application. Once again there are ten Chosen Ones for each day of the month. Unlike showing up in person to be rejected, the on-line app charges $5 regardless if you win or lose. I called it my monthly BLM donation. The winners/many losers discover their fate on the first day of the following month. On June 1st, 2019, I woke up to find I was a Winner for October 6th, 2019! 

I invited Brad (my brother from another Mother) to partake in this geological phenomenon. We decided to parlay the Wave with a backpack trip to Paria Canyon as well. So that’s what we did. 

The hike to the Wave is no walk in the park. The BLM doles out a rudimentary map complete with photos and descriptions. There is no mentions of distances in the frame of reference. The directions are along the line of “ go to the left of the big rock.” Well, it’s canyon country, there’s a BIGLY amount of huge stones out there. The trail isn’t marked, signed or as well trampled as I expected it to be. After all, twenty people/day leave telltale signs. Not so much getting to the Wave. 

We did a bonus mile or two, but eventually arrived in the general vicinity. I’ll admit it. I walked past the Wave without knowing it. The iconic view is in one direction. If I hadn’t  turned around to speak to Brad, I would have missed it. But, Holy Cow! There’s a reason why a photo of the Wave is a classic despite its skimpy size.

Here’s the Wave’s dimensions according to Wikipedia: 

“The Wave consists of intersecting U-shaped troughs that have been eroded into Navajo Sandstone of Jurassic age. The two major troughs which comprise this rock formation are 62 feet (19 m) wide by 118 feet (36 m) long and 7 feet (2 m) wide by 52 feet (16 m) long.”

Not exactly the magnitude of the Grand Canyon. Is it?

Yet, it’s a beguiling beautiful area that probably deserves its status of Worldly “must see” places. 

Within the last year, the BLM has been considering allowing up to 96 entrants/day into this unique landscape. Personally, I believe this would be a mistake. The formation consists of fragile sandstone. All those added footsteps could possibly damage the site. Besides it would be too many humans vying for the same photo op in a relatively small area. No one really wants to jostle or queue for that solitary selfie stick photo. Do we?

The Wave has taken on a near mythical status on people’s personal Bucket List. Limiting intrusions would prevent the Wave from becoming the next Zion’s Angels Landing or Yosemite’s Half Dome. The Wave is still a quiet, peaceful place. Let’s keep it that way. With respect to the Wave, size doesn’t matter. 

If you are planning to apply for the Wave. Good luck! If you want to be swell, take me along too! 

Cheers!

Jeff