My Midsummer Stonerfest Retreat…

OK, so the name isn’t the Carbondale Stonerfest, it’s the Carbondale 52nd Mountain Fair. 

Stonerfest is my nickname for the yearly celebration of old Hippies, aspiring new ones and everyday people. There’s even families. Plus! All varieties of music. (From Grudge to Gospel). It’s the closest thing I’ve seen to an all-inclusive event.

The price of entry? Free. Nada. Zilch. 

The Stonerfest happens on the last weekend of July. By this time, I’m in need of a three day hiking break. My legs are worn, scabbed over and feel like anchors. The long weekend is 72 hours of under indulgence of exercise combined with an overindulgence of unhealthy food choices, an OD of IPAs, lots of people watching and a few chewable gummies for good measure. 

It’s also my time to mingle with Carbondale’s Endless Honeymooners Martha and Jim Jim. A twosome I’ve known for over a quarter of a century. They are gregarious “more the merrier” types. An unstated goal of theirs is to meet and greet every human on our planet. I believe they’re half way there. (In other words, they are just like me only different.) 

Typically I arrive early Friday afternoon. Since I have an “in” with the JJ Mart RV Park owners I set up in their driveway. It’s definitely a five star urban campground. Free WIFI, an electrical plug in, free bicycle rental, hot showers and kitchen privileges. The campsite fee? 1.5 cases of IPAs which Jim Jim and Martha say isn’t necessary, but I insist upon because it’s the right thing to do. (Never take advantage of peoples generosity. It’s very un-mensch like).

The Stonerfest launches at 4ish Friday afternoon. (Give or take multiple minutes), with a Native American blessing. Brevity wasn’t part of this benediction and somehow my mind drifted. (Could have been the IPA and half a gummy). 

Then my favorite part of the Stonerfest. The very primal citizens drum circle! This hour long sweaty performance reminds me of that old Todd Rundgren song. “I don’t wanna work, I just want to bang on the drum all day.” Personally, as far the music scene goes, the rest of the weekend seems anticlimactic. After a greasy slice of pizza and a few more IPAs, my performance came to an abrupt curtain call.

I woke predawn on Saturday drank lots of coffee, had a BIGLY veggie and egg omelette to prep for my volunteer Peace Patrol gig. It’s a dirty job but someone has to imitate Barney Fife at Woodstock. Might as well be me. (And others). The orientation meeting informed us of the few  attendee constraints. Most of it was common sense rules. No glass, (protect those barefooted Hippies), no dogs, (so those barefooted Hippies don’t step in dog poop), no outside alcohol and no weapons.

A newbie Peace Patrol volunteer needed clarification on the weapons ban. “What if someone arrives with a 9mm and a AR-15 and claims they are “Service armaments”? You know there’s Americans who feel naked without a weapon.” 

The volunteer coordinator thought this over for a minute. “If they can show “Service armament” paperwork from their Gun Shop or the NRA, I guess we’ll make exceptions. Just be sure to say “Have a Happy Mountain Fair!” 

This is sort of the vibe of Stonerfest. Don’t ruffle any feathers.

I assumed by position at a main gate playing Walmart greeter with a Barbie themed pink  Peace Patrol T-shirt. It’s an easy gig. The only incident I encountered were the two pierced, tattooed women attempting to sneak a “service cat” in.

 

What’s next? Service gerbils?

By 11:30 my replacement Peace Patrol officers came by. I gave them a report and passed the baton of peace patrol authority to them. Whew! I needed a break. This past July was the hottest worldwide month in recorded history. (Source NASA).I returned to the JJ Mart RV Park for some shade, a shower and some reading time.

Before sunset (after a few IPAs and half a gummy) I was ready to Mountain Fair once again. 

For me, the Festival isn’t about the music (although every now and then I’ll tap my toes) it’s about the people watching. I’ll hang on the outskirts like a voyeur looking through a window of humanity. True entertainment. When the crowd fills the outskirts, it’s time for me to fly. (It’s not fun being 5’4” and feeling lost in the sauce.)

By Sunday am, I was back to my early shift Peace Patrol gig. With the wails of Gospel singers in the background, I said “Good Morning!” to many families. The partiers would arrive later. By 11:30 I was done. 

Martha then went on duty at another gate. I removed my pink Peace Patrol shirt, donned a loose tank top and joined her. It was a total undercover assignment in case she needed muscle and backup. Martha knew EVERYONE coming through so we chatted in between her acquaintances.

By 1:00ish, it was time for me to do a heat retreat. I headed back and prepared Sanctuary One for my reentry back to Sambini’s Summer of Hiking and Camping. 

Later on I made a half hearted return to the festival after a few IPAs. (sans gummies though). 

Just as I was about to call it, I received a Martha text. “We’re at Beerworks! Come join us for dinner!”

My reply. “On my way!”

By this time our conversations degenerated into a Cheech and Chong skit. It was that kind of weekend. After hugs, those Honeymooners headed to the festival. I returned to their quiet neighborhood.

By 6ish on Monday I was gone. Here’s where I went.

As always, the Stonerfest never disappoints. Yet, I’m always ready to get back to the wild places of Colorado.

I’m already booked into the JJ Mart RV Park for 2024.

Thx Martha and Jim Jim for being such great hosts. It’s always a pleasure.

Cheers

Jeff