Going Feral Again.

 When folks ask me what it was like to be Homeless by Choice for 6.5 years, I’ll respond “at times it was a feral lifestyle.” If the questionnaire desires more information,  I’’ll give them the down and dirty. 

Going feral is when a shovel creates an instant outhouse. It’s when a gallon of tepid water gurgling from a Solar Shower provides personal hygiene. It’s when the definition of clean clothes are the garments with the least stench. Food options can be Macs and Cheese, or a can of soup or a refried bean burrito. It’s far from glamping or being a Foodie. 

Going feral means being outside the mainstream. Your contact with other Homo Sapiens is at below sea level standards. It’s a lifestyle not for the gregarious or the squeamish. It’s ultimate social distancing. Its my way of dealing with a deadly pathogen. 

To be honest, (remember this is the most honest blog in the world) going feral is not too challenging  for me. When the weather is gentle and cooperates it’s no problemo. I like being “out there.” 

In this winter of Covid discontent, I had two options. 

A) Safely sequester myself in my cozy Durango townhome where I could anxiously wait for my vaccine lottery ticket to be drawn. 

OR

B) Road trip with Sanctuary II (my new truck and camper) to Death Valley National Park. Patience is not a virtue of mine. But then again citizens wouldn’t want a patient firefighter either. “Don’t worry folks, we’ll extinguish your house fire once “Jeopardy” is over.” 

There really weren’t  any options.

I provisioned up with the idea of playing “Keep Away” from winter and Covid for a month. I stocked my camper with two Jeffy requirements. Coffee and IPAs. Oh yeah, food too. Eventually I’d run out of fresh fruits and vegetables. When that time came, I’d double down on my vitamins to stave off scurvy. It’s all fun and games until your teeth fall out. 

Death Valley NP is far, far away from real towns. The closest being PaTrump (SPIT!)  NV. This high desert city’s motto says it all. “More Gun Shops, than Grocery Stores!” It’s a place best to avoid. BUT if you do have to get stuff, run in, run out at the crack of opening times. On those days, I’d drink an extra cup of coffee to ramp up my shopping to “Warp Drive.” If you’d blink you’d miss me, which Is fine by me in PaTrump. That means no one has time to take aim at me.

Postscript: I managed to avoid a trip to the sh-thole of PaTrump (Spit!) NV. I scavenged off the land. Hostess Wheat Bread, eggs and raspberry preserves from the “Family Dollar” Store in Beatty, NV and overpriced tomatoes, apples, oranges, potatoes, onions and salsa from the Furnace Creek General Store. 

My dinners were reminiscent of the Old Time miners except I discarded the cans in an appropriate manner. I never came close to running out of IPAs and coffee. My priorities are spot on.

From the land of rock, gravel and sand all blended into one beautiful National Park. (A perfect place for a minimalist like me.)

Stay safe, sane and healthy,

Jeff

Postscript II: En route back to Durango. Old Buddy Paul L did what I couldn’t do from DVNP. He went online and scored two Covid shots for me. I shoot up on Tuesday! I sound like a junkie but I don’t care. Be part of the solution instead of the problem. Get your vaccines ASAP. Please. 

Remember no one will ever say, “That Pandemic, now those were the days!”

What would Buddha do?

In May 2019, I strolled around the community of townhomes I would soon be residing in. I was on a mission to pick up the vibe of Parkview Terrace. 

You can tell a lot about a neighborhood by its vehicle’s bumper stickers. In the parking lots, I noticed “Bernie 2016”, “San Juan Mountain Association”, “May the Forest Be With You”, “I’d Rather be Hiking” and “Ska Brewery” rear end adornments. There wasn’t one “NRA” sticker.

Nice! 

Since all the townhomes look nearly identical, the ability to decorate is limited by the occupant’s imagination. What I saw was promising though: Tibetan Prayer Flags, heavy metal sculptures, strings of colorful lights and Happy Hour lounge chairs. But what really caught my attention was a pair of Buddhas. The Enlightened Ones were hanging out on pedestals on opposite sides of a garage door. They were sporting just had a Double IPA grins. 

Well, if a neighborhood is cool with Buddhas surely it would be OK for a Liberal minded former Wandering Wondering Jew to move in. My intuition turned out to be correct. I chose well. My neighbors are kind people.

Recently I escaped Durango’s season of cold and snow. I was in Snobsdale, AZ, when a string of text messages lit up my phone. They were from my neighborhood’s message board. The catalyst was from Marcia. It read, “Hey guys, someone took an Amazon package from my door last night AND one of my Buddhas. That's just bad karma for whoever did that. Any one else have something taken?” 

The text chain came fast and sometimes furious. An “All Points Buddhas Bulletin” went out. Neighbors began searching in snowbanks and the surrounding neighborhood for the missing Siddhartha. I suggested putting the local hounds on the scent of Buddha. But the pooches (a Chihuahua , a Corgi, a friendly Mutt and an Australian Shepherd) weren’t up to the task. Buddha had been fleeced for good. All my neighbors (and me) were virtually bummed. 

Later that day while I was on my daily Snobsdale hike, I thought about what transpired 430 miles away. The little I knew about Buddhism was based upon Tibet and the Dalia Lama. A few months ago I read “Eat the Buddha” which was a sad account of China’s tyrannical abuse of the Tibetan Buddhists. The 14th Dalia Lama is their spiritual leader.  I’ve seen him on TV.  He giggles a lot! When  Mr. DL wasn’t chuckling he seemed to be a Human who preached peace and good will toward all. I liked that.

So with this in mind, I pondered. What would Buddha do? Why he’d click on Amazon and purchase a replacement of himself to gift to Marcia. THAT’S what Buddha would do. Well, he’s long gone, so I was his stand in. After the deed was done, I texted this to the neighbors and mutual friends.

Hi neighbors,

From Snobsdale, I read about Marcia’s purloined Buddha. I went online and bought her this replacement. If you care to toss in a few bucks, that would be nice if not you are still invited to sign the card. As we all know Covid sucks. I thought a bit of neighborly goodness would be appreciated by Marcia.

Thx in advance,

Jeff the Cold Weenie

The response was extremely generous. Not only did we cover the price of Buddha, there was enough left over for a healthy donation to the Durango Food Bank. A win-win situation for all. 

I’m no expert, but I’d say that’s Good Karma.

Last photo: Here’s Marcia’s Facebook post upon receiving Buddha. After reading this, I too was sporting a Double IPA grin. It’s fun making mitzvahs. 

Cheers,

Jeff

For the Love of Learning.

I remember the moment when I decided to attain more knowledge.

It was in 2009 during my San Diego to Maine bicycle tour. (Have I ever mentioned I wrote an award winning book about that journey?) Anyway, I was in the midst of an enthusiastic Happy Hour with old friends, Jean and Big Al. We were at the Great Dane brewpub in Madison, WI. I made mention that my route would take me through the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.Then I asked two pertinent questions. “Why is the UP part of Michigan when it’s clearly attached to Wisconsin? Were you Cheeseheads eating bratwurst and drinking Miller Lites when they moved the state boundary?” Big Al looked at me and simply stated, “The Toledo War of 1835.” To this I had an intelligent response, “Huh?” 

Big Al who looks and acts like a college professor began the history lesson. “The state of Ohio and the territory of Michigan laid claims to Toledo. Both wanted its western port on Lake Erie. There wasn’t much of a war between the militias. More bluster than bloodshed. Finally the Feds stepped in to settle the matter. The Michigan Territory relinquished its claims to Toledo in exchange for the Upper Peninsula. Wisconsin wasn’t even a territory until 1836. That’s why the UP is part of Michigan.” 

I sat back, took a sip of IPA and reacted accordingly. “OK...” What I was really thinking was this. “ Damn! I want to be smart like Big Al. I want to learn more stuff!” Reading was the answer. Al was a librarian and research wiz at the University of Wisconsin. He knows a lot more than the Dewey Decimal System.

Luckily I’ve always been a reader. For twenty years I lived across the street from the Fort Collins Library. There I was on a first name basis with the librarians. Lack of reading wasn’t my problem, absorbing and storing information was. I streamlined my goals. No need to bother with subjects I had no interest in. IE: mechanics, theoretical sciences and technology. I’d call them what they are to me, Magic, and leave it at that. I’d concentrate on non-fiction topics I had an affinity towards: US/World history, geography, travel, sports and true stories of survival and exploration. 

“I’m BUSY. I don’t have time to read!” Is the usual answer I get when I ask folks what they’ve read lately. I had plenty of time to read when I was living in a Van down by the river for 6.5 years. 

https://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2020/06/barley-van-was-only.html

When I gave up the Wandering Wondering full time lifestyle in August 2019, I still found time to read. That is when I wasn’t volunteering, going to movies, concerts, classes, sports events, camping, hiking and brewpub happy hours. Since Covid, most of those fun sociable events haven’t happened in nearly a year. I miss them. With all that additional time, I’m back in solitary confinement and reading at a 3 books/10 day pace. As usual I’m looking for answers to America’s and the World’s ongoing problems. The books were informative yet distressing. It wasn’t light reading.

For example:

Reads pertaining to the recent 45 Administration:

Strongmen

Demagogue 

The Soul of America the Battle for our Better Angels

14 Mile: Building the Border Wall

The Fifth Risk

Spying on the South

On the experiences of Black Americans:

Caste: the origins of our discontent 

The Warmth of Other Suns

Rising Tide

Olympic Pride, American Prejudice

Life of a Klansman

Overground Railroad

Ali: a Life

The Pandemic of 1918-1919:

The Great Influenza

The plight of so called “Illegal Aliens.”:

Undocumented Americans 

American Greed and income inequality; 

Wilderness Billionaires

Nickel and Dimed

On America’s impact on other countries:

The Imperial Cruise

How to Hide an Empire

The Nine Lives of Pakistan

The Quiet Americans 

On Redemption: 

Rising Above the Hatred

Unfollow

The Broken Road

There’s lots of hard core knowledge in the above book list. The information isn’t always pretty and at times upsettimg. It’s far removed from Alternative Facts and Fake News. By looking at our past, maybe we can strive for a better future. “History doesn’t repeat itself; People do.”

On a lighter note: Now I’m looking forward to the post-Covid day when I can participate in another enthusiastic Happy Hour. I’d rather entertain my fellow revelers with anecdotes about the Antarctic explorer Ernest Shackleton or the most litigated river in the world, AKA the Colorado. AND if anyone wonders out loud, “Why is the UP part of Michigan and not Wisconsin?” I now have the answer. 

Thanks Big Al for motivating me to take learning more seriously.

Cheers! (It’s not a crime to be an Egghead! Yet!) 

Jeff

Last photo: Here’s that Gold Medal Award winning book. It’s not as scary as it sounds. Find it on Amazon.

HOPE!

Like so many others, I watched the Inauguration. I’m aware social media made Amanda Gorham a Rock Star over her inspiring speech. Of course Joe B spoke unity as well. It was a feel good moment for those who woke each and everyday for four long years thinking or saying, “WTF happened to this country I once loved so much?”

For me the poignant moments that caught my attention was Dubya. Yes, George W Bush. He was positively glowing. You could see his Jeff Sambur grin even behind his mask. He gave Joe B a manly two handed-handshake plus an atta-Joe smile. When #46 was leaving, Dubya chased him down and squeezed his arm. What this told me was that even for a stalwart Republican like George, #45 was too much. Citizen Bush saw through the bullshit and divisiveness.  Dubya didn’t fall for the Serial Liars 1/17 Inauguration Day speech. “This American carnage stops right here and stops right now.” 

There was no carnage until Trump made one of our Democracy. The ultimate Contrarian ignored the Rule of Law, the Constitution and just plain decency in this four year nightmare. The Scumbag sundered families and friendships. There was no middle ground with this Loser.

Since Candidate Neo-Nazi became President Nazi, I posted many political rants. I hated having to write them. However just standing back and standing by was no option for me. I’m a first generation American child of the Holocaust, to say nothing would be to acquiesce. This I could not do.

Thanks for following along,

I’ll now retreat to being fat, dumb and happy.

Remember to vote in 2022. We have a long way to go for a better more humane America

An Open Letter to all Reasonable...

 Moderate Republicans, 

 Hi Guys we need to talk. In the past few decades, you folks have been asleep at the wheel. The Party of Lincoln  allowed the Fox Fake News Network into the hen house. Moderates like yourselves are culpable to the recent chaos and calamity heaped unto our 224 year old Democracy. BUT you can now be part of a sensible solution. It wasn’t all that long ago the GOP preached fiscal responsibility, the “compassionate conservatism” of George W. Bush  and family values. 

Regretfully, the Republican political platform has now morphed into something strange and sinister.  What the Hell happened! What led up to this infamous moment in our shared history?

As usual I have strong opinions. My take is that it began in the 70’s and 80’s with the Sagebrush Rebellion. A western states movement in which supporters favored limited Federal Government control over Public Lands, including ownership. Many wanted to see a western landscape dotted with “For Sale” signs. 

The movement gained traction when candidate Reagan dramatically proclaimed, “I happen to be one who cheers and supports the Sagebrush Rebellion. Count me in as a rebel.” A few months later at his Inauguration, Reagan declared, “Government is not the solution to our problem, Government IS the problem.” Here’s the  Leader of the Federal Government dissing the organization he represents. Now isn’t that special! 

Reagan planted the seeds of mistrust of Government. It’s cool to be a Rebel.

 Reagan’s Administration favored tax breaks to the wealthy (AKA Trickle Down Economics. In other words, telling the commoners it’s raining when they’re really pissing on our backs), and deregulations. (Clean air, water and land are so overrated.).

In Congress the years went by with a Newt Gingrich divisive attitude between the aisles. Compromise and placing Country over Party became so passé. 

Then came the Tea Party bitching once again about high taxes and too much regulation. OY! 

In 2009 a Harvard Educated Black Man moved into the White House for eight years. For many Whites this was an  “End of Days” scenario.

When Obama’s cycle was almost done, the long drawn out process of transfer of presidential power began. Out of the depths of an overflowing Porta Potty rose the GOP’s candidate. A loathsome liar with a history of placing his hands where they don’t belong. As a DC outsider he promised to “Drain the Swamp,” hire only the “best” people and build the Great Wall of Racism with Mexican Pesos. The demagogue pointed his fat finger at Muslims, Mexicans and immigrants blaming them for out Nation’s woes. The Con Man perpetrated the myth of Obama’s African birth.. He was telling it like it is. The mobs loved it.

The Trumpism movement attracted the attention of Libertarians, (a nice way of saying Anarchists),  NRA gun nuts who appreciated the twenty Newtown, CT children who laid down their lives to preserve the Second Amendment, CINO’s (Christians in Name Only), JINO’s (Jews in Name Only) and of course well armed White Supremacists (AKA White Taliban). All these strange bedfellows had found their Leader. We know what happened next.

The moderates wrongfully believed they could control this rabid loser. They’d use Trump to achieve their goals. Yep! You guessed it. Lower taxes for the Uber wealthy and deregulation. However, the moderates overestimated their power. and underestimated Trump’s win at all cost strategy, even if it meant destroying our Democracy. Now we’re all in a fine mess. 

As moderate and reasonable Republicans you are now faced with a lose-lose situation. Flush the GOP of Trumpism starting with the 147 Congressmen and 6 Senators who voted to overturn the election results based on an alternative reality OR walk away and start a third party. Maybe call it Whigs II. I know. Tough choices, but it’s high time you grew a spine. This Dark Moment in our history occurred under your watch. Deal with it.

Final thought: There’s a reason this wasn’t an open letter to ALL Republicans. The extreme side of the GOP is BUSY! They are maneuvering and making plans to violently overthrow a legitimately  elected Government. For the sake of all reasonable people, let’s hope the Second Beer Hall Putsch fails.

BTW: Has anyone ever seen Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate? Yeah, neither have I. 

Drain the Cesspool! Make America Sane Again!

In November 2020, people will wake up...

blink a few times, look around and notice America isn't any greater. In fact, it'll be a lot worse. Many of you will look at the bottle of snake oil you purchased from the Billionaire Con Man, and read the fine print. 

"These four years of Bad Government are non-refundable."

The above was a quote from my  “Here’s a Virtual Toast to the New Dark Ages” blog. I posted it on New Year’s Eve 2016. In it, I made many predictions. More than half turned out to be correct. (Particularly, our Nation becoming a “Banana Republic.”)

https://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2016/12/heres-virtual-toast.html

The post generated a lot of feedback. Here’s some examples:

“Jeff! It won’t be that bad. It’s just a typical political pendulum swing.”

“Don’t worry, his family will reel him in..”

“Trump will still have to maneuver through Congress.” 

“He’ll grow into the position. Who knows? Maybe Trump will turn out to be a great President.”

I responded to all with my usual semi-insane grin, “No. No. No. it’ll be bad. You guys weren’t paying attention. The bastard has no conscience. There is no low-bar. You’ll see.” 

In the past four years, our country has lurched from one controversy or crisis to another. Corruption and abuse of presidential powers became the new Rule of Law. Then again, what could we expect from a sociopathic serial Liar? 

That said the World’s Biggest Loser couldn’t have pulled this stunt off without enablers. GOP suck ups and sycophants stuck with him like toilet paper on a shoe. 

The results have been a chaotic form of non-Government. 

And along came Covid. 

In the past, America’s leaders often rose to the occasion of a calamity. Their speeches were geared toward ALL Americans. Something along these lines. My fellow Americans we have a problem. For the good of all, lets work together to find a workable solution. 

But NOOOO! At a time when the US needed Leadership and a strong Federal Response, the Self described Stable Genius fumbled the ball. He pet the pooch. He went contrarian at a historical moment which called for unity. The results have been catastrophic and devastating.

On November 3rd, 2020, voters went to the polls, oftentimes braving Covid and the elements to make a statement. Enough of this BS. Go away Fat Man. We want grown up Government again. 

As we know the story didn’t end there. 224 years of peaceful transitions of power has been interrupted by a Cretin. Since the Election reasonable Americans have been  witnessing a train wreck in slow motion. The culmination was a premeditated attempted White Taliban coup, incited by a Scumbag who swore to uphold the concepts laid forth in our Constitution. 

Here’s his inspiring speech to the Rebels without a clue.

“We're going to walk down to the Capitol. You’ll never take back our country with weakness, you have to show strength, and you have to be strong,” 

Then Mr. Bone Spurs retreated to a Covid incubator tent along with his Evil Spawn. Later, Donald Dumbest Junior released a video of what transpired in that virus sauna. The vibe seemed festive as if they were viewing the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, instead of a day of infamy. I felt revulsion, anger and nausea at the same time. I want to see them all in Orange jumpsuits.

We aren’t done with this four year shit show. The former Commander in Tweet still owns the Bully Pulpit. Unless the 25th Amendment is invoked or Impeachment II, there will be more wanton acts of arson to our democratic institutions and principles. There will be more senseless death and destruction. 

When the smoke and tear gas settles, (if we make it through to 1/20/21) all Americans need to do some soul searching. There are tyrants in the world. Evil exists. Democracy requires a hands on approach for it to work. We are now seeing the 2016 results where too many good intentioned Americans sat on the sidelines. This is how Democracies die.

I’ll leave you with a notable quote which sums up our present situation:

“The absurd lie of all the divisive hucksters who have seized control of this country-that you don’t have to answer for anything anymore, so long as it’s done in the name of patriotism and the American way of life.”

From “Chosen Country.” By James Pogue

What’s your Covid number?

Winter has struck in Durango. I don’t venture outdoors too often, Its potential hypothermia and icy out there. I now find myself in extended periods of solitary confinement. 

Fortunately I still posses an active imagination. ( I haven’t murdered all the gray matter with my daily solo IPA Happy Hours. Yet! )

So without further ado, my blog...

There’s 331 million Americans with nearly that many opinions on dealing/existing with the scourge of Covid. We need to quantify where we all stand, sit or lie down on this complicated issue. So I invented the “Sambini Covid Zero-to-Ten Scale of Pathogen Personal Prerogatives.”

I know what you’re thinking. What the Hell is that! Patience Grasshopper while I explain. 

And in the beginning Jeff created a scale....

0: An American who asks, “What’s Covid?”

1: Americans who claim the virus is nothing more than a hoax. They refuse to wear masks. It runs counter to their individual rights. They consider themselves to be True Patriots. Just ask them.

2: Americans who are Covid aware, but believe it’s transmitted from contact with dirty toilet seats. Therefore no need to wear a mask.

3: Americans who will begrudgingly mask up to gain access to a public building. Once inside, masks migrate below their chin line. 

4: Americans whose masks slide below their noses. We’ve all seen this look. 

5: These are the middle-of-the-roaders. They are Team Players who will don masks in public buildings, yet they bear a business as usual approach to the pandemic. They are so-so about social distancing. If pressed, they will state, “I won’t live my life in fear of Covid.” 

6: Is a 5’er who won’t shake your hand or give you a hug.

7: Americans who wear a mask in all public buildings and occasionally in outside settings. They won’t be found in an inside bar, restaurant or on an airplane. Seven’s will have occasional lapses of good judgement at outdoor social gatherings. Abundant alcohol use is often the cause. (I confess! I’m guilty!) 

8: Americans who have changed their routines and schedules around Covid. Eight’s will limit their exposure to other Americans. They’ll grocery shop at the opening bell when most others are still in bed. They’ve pared their needs to the basics. Food, alcohol and a quarterly haircut. 

9: Extreme mask use and very limited public appearances. These are the people seen wearing a mask while driving alone.

10: The Uber extreme side of Covid. They’ve gone missing since the initial March lockdown. All food, alcohol and other necessities are Amazon Prime delivered. If your timing is perfect you might see an outstretched gloved hand snatching up a bevy of cardboard boxes. Their homes are hermetically sealed too. 

That’s my easy to follow rating system.

In America no invention/idea is worth anything if you can’t sell or scam it. Since my book sales have been more or less comatose like my social engagements, 

(Find “Destroying Demons on the Diagonal” on Amazon below:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006VXRMUG/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

I’m launching the Sambini “What’s your Covid Number?”  line of t-shirts, jackets, sweatshirts  and of course masks.

My activewear will feature “COVID” in bright contrasting colors in the front and on the back. Below that will be your number on how you personally view the virus. ( I probably won’t sell many 0’s, 1’s or 10’s.) I’ll make a great line of clothes—and nobody makes better clothes than me, believe me. And I’ll make the manufacturer’s pay for that great gear. Mark my words. 

Plus with every sale you’ll get a free set of Ginsu knives. Such a deal!

BTW. I consider myself to be a solid 7.5.

Cheers to a better 2021, (no matter what your number is.)

Jeff