I have acute Chionophobia...

From the source of all knowledge. AKA Google.

The fear of snow, or chionophobia, is often linked to other phobias. Those with fears of cold or severe weather. 

It’s safe to say I’m no fan of winter. Never was nor will I ever be.

I have my reasons. Mostly they are the close encounters of death/injuries I’ve experienced due to the icy white stuff. For me, winter has never been about making snow angels. The cold season is about avoiding snow demons.

Here’s a few frigid examples:

The first and last time I went downhill skiing was back in 1978. After a few runs on the “Bunny Slopes”, my friends  deemed me worthy of the “Black Diamond” slopes at Aspen Highlands ski area. I wasn’t ready. The mountainside was a sea of humpback whale-sized moguls. I made a lame attempt to retreat to easier grades. Alas, a ski went one way, my knee went the other way and POP! No more intact anterior cruciate ligament. My left knee has never been the same since. 

Years later, I tried cross country skiing. On one particular bad day a storm rolled in unexpectedly when me and a buddy were sliding around on Montgomery Pass in Colorado. The  snow began to fly horizontally. The visibility went opaque. The trail became obscure. The temperatures were spiraling down in an un-summer like way. We somehow managed to grope our way down through diminishing conditions and impending night to the parking lot. I kissed my jalopy. That was the last time I went cross country skiing. 

Then there was  the time I was returning from Moab, UT back to Fort Collins, CO. It was mid-November and I was heading east on I-70. My Ford Explorer hit a malevolent patch of black ice. I slid south to north across three lanes of traffic. Miraculously a 80,000 pound gross vehicle weight semi-truck took evasive action and narrowly missed me and my Ford by three feet. I doubt if I would have survived a direct hit. I had to pull off the Interstate to regain my composure after that one. It was about the last time I ventured into the mountains during winter driving conditions. 

Here’s one more Owwie. Recently, I hit the concrete after slipping on clear ice in Durango.  I mangled my elbow. This occurred over two weeks ago. I can now barely raise my right arm above my head. It takes a few double IPAs and handfuls of aspirins to dull the pain. 

Lastly Jews weren’t bred for winter. Moses and his Hebrew minions didn’t wander around the steppes of Siberia for forty years eating cold manna. They were tough and hung out in a cloudless Middle Eastern desert without the benefits of sunscreen or skin moisturizers. Jews aren’t called the “Frozen Chosen.” Which brings up the old joke. “What’s a Jewish woman’s favorite wine? Answer. “I wanna go to Miami!” 

My mental and physical injuries weren’t always centered around me. During my career as a firefighter/EMT I attended to many senior citizens who had run-ins with Jack Frost. We’d find Edna or Elmer lying supine on the cold ground. Kind citizens or caring family members would heap piles of comforting blankets upon the Old Timers. We were always extra gentle with these elderly patients. Eventually we would pull the blankets aside to access their injury. If we saw a shortened leg awkwardly rotated outward, we all sighed a silent “Oh Shit!” A probable broken hip. For these unfortunate folks the next blanket placed upon them might go up and over their heads. A fractured hip from an icy slip is a death sentence for many elderly.

https://medicalxpress.com/news/2018-06-hip-fractures-elderly-death-sentence.html

Falls weren’t the only problems seniors faced. There’s influenza, carbon monoxide poisoning and just dialing 911 because they felt isolated and alone. On wintery call outs where we didn’t require all hands on deck, I’d grab a snow shovel and clear their steps, sidewalks and doorways. It was my preventative maintenance program to keep these Oldsters out of the morgue. I knew one day I too would grow old.

For these reasons and so many others, (IE: long shadows, short days) I fear the harsh season. 

Am I happy about this? Absolutely not. Being a snow and cold weenie makes life complicated. It’s expensive too. (I’m now paying rent in Durango as well as in Snobsdale, AZ.) i never wanted to leave Durango, just winter. 

I don’t want to slip and break my hip! 

Cheers from Snobsdale where nobody knows your name,

Jeff

PS. You know another thing I don’t like about winter? There are no flowers or baseball.

“I have to get a picture...

of this.” 

Is what Mayor Melissa Youssef giggled as she aimed her I-Phone at the Standing Room Only crowd packing  Durango’s City Council Chamber and hallway on November 19th. 

What local issue could be so important as to interrupt a Tuesday Happy Hour? 

Anti-Plastic Bag Passion that’s what. A local group named Durango Beyond Plastic was coordinating an effort to ban single use plastic bags in my new home town. This “environmental conservation organization” (from Facebook), arrived with over 1,200 petition signatures (mine included) and over 150 (my estimate) supporters. 

I slipped into the Chamber and sat below the elected officials. I felt like Jimmy Stewart in “Mister Smith Goes to Washington” minus his distinct drawl.

Here’s what this blogger noticed: 

The civic minded crowd was overwhelmingly Caucasian with a smattering of Hispanics and Native Americans. The age range ran from babies in diapers to oldsters possibly in “Depends.” 

The speakers were informative and well spoken. One High School aged coed claimed she didn’t want to bear a child in a World of Climate Change and continuing environmental degradation. I was saddened by this comment.

Other than that sobering statement, the atmosphere was festive. The pro-ban plastic bag activists waved their reusable bags whenever a positive comment was made. This was often. I noticed a few smirks on the esteemed city council members too.

The one thing that really caught my wandering-always-looking-for-a-story eye was a sign over the entryway. It simply read “Civility First! Take the Pledge!” Later that evening, I went online and did just that. 

From the Durango Government website:

“What are the traits of the Civility First Durango Pledge Program?

Respect Fairness Compassion Consideration Kindness Responsibility Sincerity Acceptance.”

A few days later I was presented with the chance to act upon these words of wisdom.

I was working my second gig at the “Friends of the Library” used bookstore. Its not a strenuous job. I get to read, people watch and occasionally sell a book. I was half way through my shift, when I observed a senior citizen going through the aisles of books. Her clothes were a bit frayed. Her white hair was mussed. She walked with a limp. Eventually she approached my desk with five books. I tallied up the total price of the books. Then things got awkward. She pulled out her purse. She bit her lower lip. She looked inside her purse and sighed. 

“I don’t have enough money for all the books.” 

I looked up, “Well, today is your lucky day. You are going home with all these good books.” I reached for my wallet and pulled out the money to make up the difference.

She sincerely thanked me. “Now I’ll have enough left over to buy a hamburger at McDonald’s.” 

A Win, Win situation for all. I like that. That’s a mighty fine pledge to make in a mighty fine town.

Next week I’ll be temporarily leaving Durango to head to the warmer climes of Snobsdale, AZ. 

I don’t want to leave Durango, just winter.

BTW: As of this posting, the fate of the plastic bag ban has been undecided by the city council. 

Do the world a favor, tote a reusable shopping bag into a store. I promise, shlepping a bag from your vehicle won’t be the biggest stressor of your day.

Cheers,

Jeff 

“Don’t look back...

Something might be gaining on you.”

Satchel Paige

Yes. We are all growing older.

Except! This past year, I experienced a decade’s worth of aging.

The feeling of maturing came in two phases. The first was watching friends and family go out on injury leave  The majority were cancer related. Most notably were Mike (AKA the best brother in the world) and 40 year buddy Kevin D. Fortunately both seem to have responded well to treatment. 

Then there were a few who didn’t make the cut for the roster of the living. The list included one of my favorite people on the planet. (AKA Joe “Trauma” S.)  That one really hurt and still does. 

https://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2019/06/parting-is-nothing-

The second phase was personal. 

It was just two days after I turned 64, arthritis took up permanent residence  in my left knee. If you thought I walked funny before, you ought to see me hobble now. 

The hits kept on coming. Here’s a few examples:

The semi-automatic “Rat-Tat-Tat” heartbeats that alarm clocks me into full wake up mode. A few thought provoking minutes later, my heart rate resumes its usual 58 beats/minute.

The “almost pass out” head rushes I score while tipping my noggin back to take a sip of water.

The fact that I’m shrinking (I only had 64 inches of height to begin with) but my ears and nose appear to be lengthening. I won’t mention the hairs emanating from them.

My bum makes contact with Mother Earth more often than before. In other words, I fall a lot while hiking. 

The lame injury I sustained from the simple act of flipping a blanket over me. (tweaked back). Better yet. Spraining my wrist while turning a book’s page.  Strenuous stuff.

The numerous episodes of epistaxis without the trauma of being punched in the nose. 

My skin is thinning. A brush up against a twig will cause major hemorrhaging. Lately a hike is not complete without a blood letting

The higher than average times I lose my train of thought while speaking to others.  Occasionally my listeners will tell me, “That’s OK Jeff,  the cars were probably empty any how.” 

So maybe a few of you are thinking. Jeffy! What are you doing about all these Owwies and afflictions? 

My answer? Absolutely nothing. I don’t want to know the “Why?” I chalk it up to attempting to be an endurance athlete with the DNA of a merchant. I wasn’t bred for an active/outdoor life. 

However, I reckon as long as I possess the physical and mental Mojo to lace up my trail runners, slip on a pair of my signature baggy black shorts and get “Out There!” I can’t be too hurt or impaired. 

So that’s what I do. 

Who says ignorance isn’t bliss? 

I’m 65 and I still go over the speed limit occasionally.

Stay in motion. The other option sucks.

Cheers,

Drinking IPAs won’t hurt you either.

Jeff