Sunday, February 17, 2019

Please take a seat for today’s lesson...


Emergency: a serious, unexpected, and often dangerous situation requiring immediate action.”
Oxford Dictionary 

I was a firefighter for 28 years. I have an idea on what constitutes an emergency. 

Here’s two examples. 

On a winter’s night at Dark-thirty Hour, an alarm came in for a working fire in a nearby trailer park. I was the driver operator that night. When I pulled the cord to open up the bay doors, my crew and I were more than surprised. We saw flames from our station about a quarter mile away. The ultimate no bueno. 

By the time we arrived the trailer was nearly fully involved. Excited neighbors shouted at us about a woman trapped inside. Bystanders used garden hoses in a futile attempt to knock down the red stuff with a dribble of wet stuff. Through the din, I could hear a woman scream. 

We went to work. After parking the engine away from the flames, I set the pump and placed an initial attack hose line at the front door. My crew had donned their air packs and made entry. I then placed a back up line for deployment by the next incoming engine company.  I was listening to the soon to be victim, while  I was setting up lights, a fan for ventilation, piling up a supply of spare air bottles and pulling an even larger diameter hose line. Eventually it got quiet. 

This was a cooker. All in all, it took both crews spraying 300 gallons of water/minute to extinguish the blaze. It wasn’t much longer before a young woman’s body was removed and whisked away to a waiting ambulance. There wasn’t any medical treatment for the patient. She was already dead.

This was an emergency with a bad outcome.




Another emergency call:

On a pleasant spring evening a call came in for a possible suicide attempt involving a college coed. With sirens blaring and lights flashing we raced to the Colorado State University dormitory. More dispatch information trickled in. Apparently the young woman had jumped from the third story. She shattered the window glass on her exit. A shard had impaled itself in her femoral artery. 

We found the patient lying face up in a Lake Erie size pool of blood. The paramedics arrived at the same time. We all knew our roles. A large trauma dressing was hastily applied to the gash. A backboard and cervical collar were put in service. Large diameter IVs were spiked and inserted. A high flow oxygen bag valve mask was placed over her nose and mouth. This was a true “load and go” situation.

I was one of two firefighters who dove into the back of the ambulance to assist the attending paramedic. For a minute or more we had to perform CPR until a weak pulse returned. Miraculously her eyes were open by the time we arrived at the ER. We handed our patient to an awaiting trauma team. Our job there was done.

A few weeks later, that same coed made her way into Fire Station Two. My crew and the paramedics were there to meet her under better circumstances. She apologized for her rash act. She sincerely thanked us all for making a difference that evening. She left a homemade apple pie and store bought ice cream as a small token of her appreciation.

We were speechless.

This was an emergency with a positive outcome. 



Now here’s two examples of perceived emergencies. 

A call came in for another college coed with “extreme leg pain.” We ran “Hot” to the campus. We found the patient sitting up conscience, oriented and alert. She didn’t appear to be in much pain. 

A paramedic asked her, “what’s going on?” 

“I have tendinitis in my knee. It really hurts more today than usual. So I called 911.”

We all let that sink in. A lit up fire engine and ambulance had just ran a few red lights. Never a good thing. All for an ongoing bout of tendinitis.

Me being me said, “Yeah! Tendinitis is painful. I have it in my shoulder from playing racquetball.” 

Before you knew it the other crew members were singing the Blues to her about their personal physical pains. 

We left her thinking about making that 911 call. 




A non-emergency with a thoughtful outcome. (Hopefully).

Last example: Dispatch “toned us out”  about a woman sniffing “unusual smells” in her home. When we arrived on scene, we donned our breathing apparatus but allowed the masks to dangle below. With a gas monitor already humming, we went to the door. A distraught woman met us there. “Can’t you smell it?” she asked. 

At this point our detector showed normal readings. 

She then said, “Please! Follow me. This is where it’s the worst.” She led us toward the living room where we found an aging Golden Retriever nodding on a rug. “Now, can you smell it?” 

My Boss and I started to laugh. We smelled it alright. We both pointed to the gaseous pooch.

“Oh My God! I called 911 because my dog was farting! I’m so embarrassed!” 

She handed us chocolate chip cookies on our way out. 

This was a non-emergency with a funny outcome.

Recently the Commander of Constitutional Chaos has declared a National Emergency in regard to the building of the Great Wall of Racism. 

Before I proceed, I’ve give a brief history lesson on the US and Mexico relationship. (I always try to entertain, educate or enlighten my readers. If I score one out of three, I’m happy.)  

In a bottle caps worth, the relationship has been awkward since the time of the Mexican-American War in the years 1846-48. It was a one sided affair, with the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo the end product. 

From Wikipedia: 

It gave the United States the Rio Grande as a boundary for Texas, and gave the U.S. ownership of California and a large area comprising roughly half of New Mexico, most of ArizonaNevada, and Utah, and parts of Wyoming and Colorado.”

In other words, a BIGLY block of land. In 1853, the US secured what is now Arizona and New Mexico with the Gadsden Purchase for a mere $10,000,000. Chump change. 

America was then in Manifest Destiny Mode. An Imperialistic concept of Westward expansion. Of course Racism was involved. Those slave owning southern states wished to export that “Peculiar Institution” to the newly acquired territories. Think of this as coughing a flu bug  into the faces of family and friends. 

Historically things took somewhat of a breather until 1916 when Pancho Villa and his gang invaded Columbus, New Mexico. There they killed seventeen Americans. Pancho was trying to instigate another war between the countries.

Instead what Pancho got was  General “Blackjack” Pershing and an Army force of 12,000, who invaded Mexico in a nine month spree to capture or kill the Rascal. Pershing summed up the situation this way, “Villa is everywhere, yet he is nowhere.” 

Finally President Wilson saved Pershing and his men from further embarrassment and shipped them off to fight in the Great War. 

Since then relationships between the countries have been uneasy yet civil. At least their have been no bullets flying. 

All that changed on Black Tuesday, 2016. Candidate Demagogue became President Demagogue. One can’t  be a Demagogue without Scapegoats. Mexicans and Muslims foot the bill. “Those People” were the cause of all of America’s plights and problems. So from chants of “Build the Wall” at campaign rallies, President “Don’t know much about History” recently upped the ante to a declared National Emergency. 

My fellow Americans! Don’t be fooled! This is no emergency. (See the above definition and examples). 

This perceived emergency is nothing more than Fido Flatulence. It’s an Executive abuse of 911. 


Yes, I’m still running for President in 2020. Once elected, I will immediately declare a National Emergency to combat racism. We have to nip this social disease before it gets any further out of hand. 


Cheers,
From Bright, Victoria
Your next President.

BTW. The Aussies don’t like him either.









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