Hiking the Grand Canyon with...

a STAN.

I met a lot of characters in my 28 year career on the fire department. One of the more memorable (in a bad way) was a bald headed, opinionated, conversation domineering , fib-telling Dude nicknamed STAN. 

He was the guy you couldn't top. If you caught a three-pound trout, he caught a five pound Brown on a one-pound test line. Ran a sub-18:00 Five Kilometer race? He won his age bracket in 15:30. Hiked a respectable summit? He scaled Everest with no oxygen. He couldn't be beat.

BTW: STAN translates to S--T! That Ain't Nothing!

So...on my recent backpack with Brad 

http://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2015/04/my-brother-from-another-mother.html 

and Max and Cassie (son and girlfriend) into the Big Ditch I was told a stranger (to me)  would be joining us on the second night out of five. That's fine. Buddy of Brad should be OK by me. 

On the second night, we were camped at Monument Creek. Brad and family were out exploring the tiny tributary. I was hanging out contemplating the rocks or reading. In other, words typical Grand Canyon activities for me. Out of the silence, I heard, "Brad! Brad! Where are you?" 

I called out, "You must be #%#%. (That's my way of not indulging his real name). "Hi! I'm Jeff. Brad is out with his family looking around. Here's the campsite he picked for you. I'll go back to my site and let you set up. See you later." 

Around dinner time, I rejoined the gang at the designated kitchen area of Brad's campsite.  %#%# was in full story telling mode. It went sort of like this...

"In the beginning, I was born to poor yet humble parents. I worked my way through Harvard doing pizza deliveries on my tricycle. I got my Doctorate in Mathematics at the age of six..." and on and on it went. 

Hmmm! This was going to be an interesting backpack trip.

A few days later, we all set off on a 15.5 mile amble from Monument Creek to Bright Angel campground. In all my years of hiking in the Grand Canyon, this would be my biggest mileage day ever. No matter how you spin it, that's more than a stroll to the neighborhood post office.

%#%#% charted out his game plan on where he would be and at what time. "I'll be on my way at 6:03 I'll pass Salt Creek at 7:13. I should be at Bright Angel by 2:08 give out take a minute. I'll be hiking at three-plus miles/Hour. You guys know what that's like. Don't you?" 

I broke camp after my usual morning dawdle. I was fueled by my secret weapon. Two Starbucks shots of strong instant coffee. Pure grind your molars, quick striding energy. My plan was the standard one. Crank out as many miles as I could until the caffeine runs out; then arrive at my destination on fumes. 

It was a beautiful day along the Tonto Plateau, flowers were out, the air was cool and crisp and the scenery was the usual Grand Canyon magnificent. After awhile I ran into Brad, Max and Cassie. They were moving at a loping just fine steady pace. All were well with these happy campers. 

"Hi Guys! I'm nice and wired from the coffee. Who knows? Maybe I'll catch %#%#. That might quiet him down a bit." 

They wished me luck.

After Salt Creek, I spied three backpackers. One was definitely the 6'5" #%#%#. When I approached I overheard a story. "Then there was that time I was physically removed from a Vegas casino. I guess I was doing too good a job at counting cards. Hey! I was only up $5,000 on the House!" 

He was surprised to see me. "You are moving well! I'll try to keep up with you." 

"Don't sweat it. No worries. Walk your own pace. I'm still lit up from the coffee. Enjoy your day. See you at Bright Angel."

My caffeine fix expired at Indian Gardens. There was still five miles to go. My pace became a relaxed mosey, with food and water breaks along the way. 

On the Colorado River trail, I saw the familiar sight of the iconic Silver and Black bridges. I'm sure I was grinning. Once in camp, I found a suitable campsite and went to work on a bagel and cheese snack. A few minutes later, #%#%# strode in.

I nodded and said, "Long day. Strong work. I'm glad we're done." 

"I dunno. I could've taken a break and been good for another five-ten miles."

I know I let out a audible sigh. There's no topping a STAN.

But Hey! It's the Grand freaking Canyon! It takes more than a STAN to muddle the experience. Besides, I was still hanging with my Bro from another Mo and his amazing family. All is good in the world (except I'm sick again!")

Moral of the blog? Don't be a backpacking blowhard. 

Cheers from windy Kanab, UT,

It's an R&R day to try to get over this latest bout of sinuous infection. Yes, I'm on drugs too.

Jeff

"What happens in Vegas, stays...

in Vegas."

So, I was in Vegas and I'll tell you what happened. 

Nothing!

I wasn't in Sin City for three painfully long nights to gamble, see a show, start smoking Marlboros, drink $1 specials of Bud Lite, inhale a $12 all-you-can-eat buffet or procure a Lady of the Night. I was stuck there waiting for Barley's sick transmission to be replaced. A well spent $150 bribe helped the project along, or else I'd still be trapped. Best $ for the value. One of the few 100% no smoking hotels available in Vegas cost more than the "palm grease" did. 

My escape route took me to the Mojave National Preserve for two quiet days and silent nights. The only smoke I dealt with was from my evening campfires. In didn't matter that I spaced the Ingredients for S'mores. I felt happy.

Today,  I'm in Joshua Tree National Park. It's more than invigorating windy. It's rock Barley the Van to and fro windy. I'm hoping that invisible force takes a sunset siesta. 

I want to Happy Hour with a campfire. Shucks! I still don't have S'mores ingredients. 

Photo below: I placed that square boulder on top of the heap to create a more picturesque photo op. No biggie, it's what a W W J does for his avid readers.

Last photo: I'm thinking of getting a playmate for Fido. I believe Horace the Tortoise would be perfect. No. I wouldn't do that. They need to live free and procreate.

BTW: Desert Tortoises are on the endangered species list. They get run over a lot my mechanically minded humans. Poor little guys can't sprint away. 

Fun fact: There are two sub-species of Desert Tortoises. One variety lives on one side of the Colorado River, the other on the other side. Apparently, they swim as poorly as I do. 

From windy Joshua Tree NP, CA

Cheers!

Jeff

The Hubris of Hoover Dam...

For years I've driven past Hoover Dam en route to a better place called Death Valley National Park. As an American history buff, I've always wanted to stop, but the call to wilder places beckoned me. 

Recently Barley the Van chose to get temporarily sick in nearby Las Vegas. The timing was right to pay a visit (with a rent-a-wreck) to "America's Seven Modern Civil Engineering Wonders." I'll say it now, it was worth my time and $30 for the Dam Tour. 

After going through a security check point, me and the Wreck were permitted passage across the top of the dam. I parked in Arizona and walked back to Nevada. My first impression of the Dam was "there's a lot of concrete below me." 

Hoover Dam Fun Fact Number One: A two lane 4,000 mile highway (San Francisco to New York) could have been constructed with the concrete used to create this monstrous river impediment. 

After going through a second security check, similar to an airport screening, I purchased my tour ticket. (No AAA or AARP discounts). 

It's a one hour tour split up between the hydroelectric power plant and the Dam itself. The guides glazed over the historical significance of the Dam, so I'll fill you in.

Construction began during the Great Depression (1931). Folks were desperate for employment. (In other words, the opposite of me). Men were willing to chance it all for a livable wage. Over a 100 people died in the dam's construction. Most of them from working in poorly ventilated tunnels containing high concentrations of carbon monoxide. (OSHA wasn't established until 1971). Work went on around the clock like a Walmart Supermarket. The project came in under budget and completed two years ahead of schedule. 

The Bureau of Reclamation's voice boxes spoke the truth about the Dam's purpose. To provide cheap water for agricultural use. (80%) Sure, we all need to eat, but much of those precious acre-feet (the amount of water to cover an acre, one-foot deep) of liquid is wasted on low value water intensive crops. I.E. Cotton, hay and alfalfa. Pecan trees are wetted down in the desert too! That's just wrong! 

As far as hydroelectric generated capabilities, Walter the guide was honest as well, "about one million households" worth of electrons. Not that impressive a number when the lower basin states contains over 20 million electricity users. 

Please, don't get me going about the Dam's benefits of flood control. By placing homes, gardens and businesses in a flood plain, you are running a risk.The long term odds are against you. How long can you tread water?

On the Dam building portion of the tour, Hal the guide spoke about the spillways. "In case of big water years, the extra volume would  be diverted around the Dam. It wouldn't be overtopped. The spillways can move two Niagara Falls amount of water together" 

(About 400,000 cubic feet/second). There's speculation the Colorado River ran at half million CF/S in rare pre-Dam years. 

I then asked if the big water year of 1983 caused cavitation in the spillways. "Yes, there was damage." I know that's an understatement. The overflow spigots was spitting out concrete and chunks of canyon walls. Fortunately, the ridiculous flow abated before a catastrophic failure occurred. The photo below shows the 1983 "bathtub ring" watermark very well. 

BTW: The spillways bypass tunnels are 50 feet in diameter. That's a huge orifice. 

Moral of this blog? Anything mankind can do, Mother Nature is capable of undoing. She's patient and way more powerful than we are. 

For two great reads on this subject check out: John McPhee's "The Control of Nature."

And "The Emerald Mile" by Kevin Fedarko.

I could only aspire to write as well as these fine authors. 

Use water responsibly. In the Southwest of America, it's a highly prized commodity. 

Last fun fact: The Colorado River has been involved in more court battles than any other waterway in the World. In the Southwest, whiskey's for drinking, water's for fighting. 

Cheers!

I'm escaping from Las Vegas today.

Jeff.