A Tale of Three Traditional...

B&Bs.

Warning: This is a story of woe, sadness, hunger, cluelessness and worse,  a night without beer. It’s a story that needs to be told. If just one person learns from my multiple mistakes, I feel my mission in writing this is complete.

When I decided two months ago to walk the Cotswolds Way, I had neither the knowledge or the patience to deal with the logistics of negotiating 103 miles of U.K. countryside. I bought into a shuttle service who would move my backpack between accommodations along the Way. The accommodations were recommended by the shuttle service. Easy right?

After I paid Company X, my itinerary promptly arrived. Just as promptly, I forgot about it until I had to deal with it. That’s how I roll.

I bought a map, at least.

When I got to the start at Chipping Camden, I reckoned maybe I should look at where I’m going and where I’m staying. Hmmm. Of the nine evenings, I’d be staying in pubs five nights. (British pubs are one stop shopping. They provide accommodations, meals, beers and an English (Yawn!) breakfast in the morning). I’m good with that. The other four nights were to be traditional B&Bs. From past experiences I knew these weren’t “my cup of tea.” 

After eating, drinking and sleeping in a pub in Chipping Camden, I set off for Traditional B&B # One. In about four hours I arrived and knocked on the door. No answer. The door was ajar so I entered, “Hello! Hello!” No one was home. On a desk I noticed a note bearing my name. In a proper and polite way, I was informed I’d be sleeping in the attic. The worst guest room in the house. I know I looked. It was then, that I gazed around. I was in a house of horse-themed hoarders. There were paintings, photos, thirty year old magazines and porcelain statues of beasts of burdens. Where their wasn’t  equine stuff, there was clutter. There were no clean lines. Oh well, at least the town had a pub. 

It was closed.

When the homeowners arrived, I thought surely they would offer me a sandwich knowing the local pub was shuttered. They didn’t offer and I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to NAG them. 

That was my sum total of interaction with the owners. My dinner that night was two Clif bars and water. The bed was lumpy too.

I rated this stay “I” for Inhospitable. The best thing about the sleepover was leaving.

B&B # Two was nestled in several paddocks. The closest pub was three miles away. My digs were a newish Mother-in-law bungalow which was detached from the family home. It was bright and clean. It was a do-it-yourself B&B where all my food needs were already there. That is if you like a dinner of frozen pizza or a deli chicken sandwich. Well, at least there were two beers in the refrigerator. 

It was a long night. 

B&B # Three was in a town which had the feel of a suburb. For U.K. standards the town was spanking new. The B&B was somewhat hidden from the street. Inside there were two handymen doing odd jobs but no owner. (Apparently they weren’t there to clean up the mess though). When I asked them of his whereabouts their answer, “He’s at the pub.” It was 1:45 pm. The owner wasn’t there to eat. 

In the morning, the English (Yawn) Breakfast was as hungover as the cook. The egg was served runny with just a hint of salmonella. For this I paid £85 in cash. I rated this B&B “I” for intoxicated. 

I was supposed to have another joyful, charming (yeah right!) sleepover in one more remote B&B. I thought to myself, “Self! No freaking way.” I secured a room in a pub in the lovely town of Wotton-under-Edge. I ended up paying for both places for that one night’s stay. I wasn’t happy about this, but I wasn’t happy sharing too much space with B&B owners either.

So here’s my point. Do your homework. If you don’t want to feel like you are “couch surfing” with strangers and paying them for the displeasure, stay in Pubs. You will even score your own room key!

My job here is now done.

Cheers

Jeff

A Trail of Trespassing...

A few days ago, I began walking the United Kingdom’s 103 mile Cotswold Way. It didn’t take long for me to realize this hike was different than the ones I’ve experienced in the US. 

First off, there’s lots of ambling through paddocks. When you enter a paddock, a gate must be unlocked and then relocked. Between the paddocks, there’s woodlots enclosed in fences with more gates too negotiate. Grazing sheep, horses and chewing-the-cud cows abound. The farm animals live there full time I suppose.

Then the light came on. I’m mostly walking through private property. I’m trespassing and no one is threatening me or brandishing a weapon in my face. In fact, an owner of an estate (there’s lots of estates in the U.K.), gave me directions when he discovered me walking down his private driveway. He went on to say, “It’s a shame you don’t have a compass. You could walk through my land and be there sooner.” Simply amazing. He was encouraging me to trespass! 

I started thinking about this. (This is what happens when your accommodations aren’t near pubs and you have too much time to ponder.) So...I went to the source of all knowledge. I Googled stuff. 

The U.K. has 67 million people who speak a version of English. The U.K is a wee dram smaller than the state of Michigan. So here’s some comparison shopping. In the U.K. 8.5%  of the land is publicly owned. In fact, one percent of the population owns 50% of the cloudy and rainy land mass. On the other side of the Atlantic, Michigan has 10 million residents and 28% of the land is open to all.

Apparently, private land owners in the U.K. are willing to share their space with the masses. There’s even a name for this, (dare I say it?) socialistic idea. The trails are called “permissive pathways.” Definition from my AZ Adventure Cotswold Way map: “Footpaths which landowners have permitted public use but which are not right of ways. The agreement may be withdrawn.” In other words, if the walker, mountain bikers and equestrians play nice, they are allowed continued access through the private land. So far, I’d say the public is doing a fine job of stewardship. I’ve seen plenty of mud and sheep poop, but no litter. 

Somehow this cooperative notion got scuttled when those Europeans migrated to the New World. To sum it up, I’d be likelier to order a Bud Light in a brewpub than knowingly trespass in the US. Trust me, I’m not doing either. 

US laws heavily favor the sanctity of house and home and property. IE Fifth Amendment and the  “Stand-Your-Ground” law. A perceived threat (like trespassing) might be a fast way to end a pleasant hike. (I have a great aversion to suddenly contracting lead poisoning.) Hell! There’s White Males openly carrying sidearms in the Larimer County Parks of Colorado. (That’s a No-No BTW. The Dudes were intimidating without the weapons, I wasn’t going to chastise them.) If these sorts are armed on Public Land, they must wield a bazooka while at home. I’m guessing there are more “No Trespassing” and “This property protected by Smith and Wesson” signs than  Stop” signs in the US. 

And THAT’S why we need to save every acre of Public Lands in the US. People who wander (like me) would end up on the wrong side of a gun way too often. 

We need Public Lands for the simple reason, that Americans don’t play as nice as British Citizens. 

Think about it.

For further reading: 

https://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2018/04/the-fort-collins-syndrome.html

https://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2017/04/utah-national-monument-status-isnt.html

Cheers from Kings Stanley, UK 

Lessons my Dad taught me...

A month ago I blogged about the lessons my Mom taught me. 

https://jeffsambur.blogspot.com/2019/05/lessons-my-mom-taught.html

This month the lectures are Sid based. 

Mom and Dad’s lessons had some overlap: Be polite, value education, always offer food/drink to family, friends and strangers. And lastly, hugs are an acceptable form of telling others you think they are swell. 

Whereas Mom’s lessons were more visual, Sid’s classroom time always began with “Jeffy!” 

Sid didn’t teach touchy-feely. His opinions on how things are and how they should be were pragmatic in nature. Sid Sambur’s views were in Black or White hues. There was no Gray. If something or someone was great, you knew it. When something or someone sucked, well we heard about that too. Sid was painfully honest.

Some examples:

“Jeffy, don’t be a shnoorer.” Translation from Yiddish. A taker, someone who would dine and dash on you when the check arrives.

“Jeffy, words matter. If you say you are going to do something, do it.” Another way of saying actions speak louder than words. 

“Jeffy, No! I’m not buying that for you.”  I heard the word “NO!” often. That’s a good thing. It taught me their are differences between real needs and mere desires. 

“Jeffy, save your money. Don’t waste it on silly things. One day you might need that money.” I’ve rarely been in debt. 

“Jeffy! Do the right thing. Be honest. Be nice to people. Be generous when you are able.” 

Many of Dad’s lessons came from witnessing humankind at its worst. The Holocaust. 

“Jeffy! don’t be a follower. Think for yourself. Just because everyone is doing something doesn’t mean it’s right.” I’m sure this came from Sid’s observation of the Mob Mentality of the Third Reich. 

“Jeffy! There are times you’ll have to stand up for what you know is right.”

“Jeffy! I don’t want you to join the Boy Scouts. Any organization that requires a uniform is something to avoid.” Dad was probably thinking about the Nazi Brownshirts when he told me this. 

“Jeffy! There are Goyim (non-Jews) who will hate you just because you are Jewish. Be aware of this.” A hard lesson of Anti-Semitism. 

A lot of what my Dad taught was common sense, Golden Rule stuff. The rest was Alerts and   Warnings pertaining to the potential Evil which is lurking in the World. 

In essence, I believe Sid wanted me to be a mensch, but also to watch out for the other guy. 

From The Joys of Yiddish, a "mensch" is "someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character.” 

Well Dad, I  try to be a mensch, I try.

Thanks for all the lessons.

Happy Father’s Day to our manly mentors.