What’s your Covid number?

Winter has struck in Durango. I don’t venture outdoors too often, Its potential hypothermia and icy out there. I now find myself in extended periods of solitary confinement. 

Fortunately I still posses an active imagination. ( I haven’t murdered all the gray matter with my daily solo IPA Happy Hours. Yet! )

So without further ado, my blog...

There’s 331 million Americans with nearly that many opinions on dealing/existing with the scourge of Covid. We need to quantify where we all stand, sit or lie down on this complicated issue. So I invented the “Sambini Covid Zero-to-Ten Scale of Pathogen Personal Prerogatives.”

I know what you’re thinking. What the Hell is that! Patience Grasshopper while I explain. 

And in the beginning Jeff created a scale....

0: An American who asks, “What’s Covid?”

1: Americans who claim the virus is nothing more than a hoax. They refuse to wear masks. It runs counter to their individual rights. They consider themselves to be True Patriots. Just ask them.

2: Americans who are Covid aware, but believe it’s transmitted from contact with dirty toilet seats. Therefore no need to wear a mask.

3: Americans who will begrudgingly mask up to gain access to a public building. Once inside, masks migrate below their chin line. 

4: Americans whose masks slide below their noses. We’ve all seen this look. 

5: These are the middle-of-the-roaders. They are Team Players who will don masks in public buildings, yet they bear a business as usual approach to the pandemic. They are so-so about social distancing. If pressed, they will state, “I won’t live my life in fear of Covid.” 

6: Is a 5’er who won’t shake your hand or give you a hug.

7: Americans who wear a mask in all public buildings and occasionally in outside settings. They won’t be found in an inside bar, restaurant or on an airplane. Seven’s will have occasional lapses of good judgement at outdoor social gatherings. Abundant alcohol use is often the cause. (I confess! I’m guilty!) 

8: Americans who have changed their routines and schedules around Covid. Eight’s will limit their exposure to other Americans. They’ll grocery shop at the opening bell when most others are still in bed. They’ve pared their needs to the basics. Food, alcohol and a quarterly haircut. 

9: Extreme mask use and very limited public appearances. These are the people seen wearing a mask while driving alone.

10: The Uber extreme side of Covid. They’ve gone missing since the initial March lockdown. All food, alcohol and other necessities are Amazon Prime delivered. If your timing is perfect you might see an outstretched gloved hand snatching up a bevy of cardboard boxes. Their homes are hermetically sealed too. 

That’s my easy to follow rating system.

In America no invention/idea is worth anything if you can’t sell or scam it. Since my book sales have been more or less comatose like my social engagements, 

(Find “Destroying Demons on the Diagonal” on Amazon below:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006VXRMUG/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

I’m launching the Sambini “What’s your Covid Number?”  line of t-shirts, jackets, sweatshirts  and of course masks.

My activewear will feature “COVID” in bright contrasting colors in the front and on the back. Below that will be your number on how you personally view the virus. ( I probably won’t sell many 0’s, 1’s or 10’s.) I’ll make a great line of clothes—and nobody makes better clothes than me, believe me. And I’ll make the manufacturer’s pay for that great gear. Mark my words. 

Plus with every sale you’ll get a free set of Ginsu knives. Such a deal!

BTW. I consider myself to be a solid 7.5.

Cheers to a better 2021, (no matter what your number is.)

Jeff