Lyrics from “I Heard it Through the Grapevine” by Whitfield and Strong
My last verklempt moment occurred at a Sambur family gathering in Boulder, CO. We were hovering around the kitchen counter pre-Happy Hour time when my nephew Keith innocently asked, “So UJ (Uncle Jeff) how’s it going in Durango?.”
Like a shaken, not stirred IPA my thoughts and emotions gushed out. “Well, it’s been over four years since I settled there. I really like the town. It’s progressive with a liberal vibe. There’s always community minded events going on. Most of them have been a lot of fun to attend.
I’m still in awe of the interesting and beautiful places within the Four Corners region. It’s really superseded all my wild lands expectations. It’s the most incredible area I’ve ever seen or lived in. I love the campouts, hikes and my exploratory trips. Best of all, Durango is at the epicenter.”
I sighed and continued with the glum part, “Socially it’s been a bust! Sure, I know a few dozen “Hi, how’s it going? Nice day if it don’t rain” acquaintances, but no real consistent Happy Hour/Dinner or hiking buddies. I spend most of my time alone and feeling lonely. I’m not happy about this. In fact I get depressed!”
With that, I started to weep. Apparently, I looked so pathetic my nephew’s daughters lined up to give me reassuring hugs.
On my long drive back home to Durango, I relived that sad moment. It was time for me to go introspective.
“Face it Jeff! In Durango I’m an outlier. A harmless misfit.
I’m one of the handful of residents without a dog/fur baby. (Or as I say, Durango is a city of 19,582 people with 23,174 canines) Below is my dog Fido.
I hike instead of mountain bike. (Less chance of injury)
I’m a small man with BIGLY opinions which I’m not shy about expressing. I ask a lot of questions too. Do you know what you get in a room of ten Jews? Eleven opinions.
In a laid back mountain town like Durango, where I’ve overheard, “I don’t give a shit about anything!” (Said while they were vaping from a product purchased at one of the over dozen dispensaries) I could come across as being a bit of a pushy New York Jew..
I’m not a joiner or follower in a “the more the merrier” type of town. I have a tendency to slide to the side, the bigger the crowd gets.
I don’t possess a Polly-Anna or Pauly-Andy personality.. Unfortunately I’m too aware that bad things can happen for no apparent reasons or at anytime. Although I’m also aware that the same can be said about good things.
Throughout all this somehow I maintain a steady smile though.”
For whatever the reasons are, despite my volunteering gigs, helping to organize neighborhood get togethers (Like Durango’s first Kwanhanumas party) and holiday food drives, being seen at festivals, fundraisers, concerts, movies, brewpubs, local hiking trails and coffee houses, I’m not meeting potential buddies or significant others.
This was getting to me in a bad way. I felt depressed about my social situation.
Sure, I’ve read the studies about senior loneliness. That spending this much time alone is poison for my physical health (I just had a heart monitor glued to my chest for two weeks) and well being. But this much I know. Being depressed/unhappy about it is far worse.
I knew about the five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I had been unhappy about the my social scene for awhile. It’s time for me to move on.
So I took a deep Zen-like breath, and I decided to accept my fate. I’ll cease stressing about my lack of Durango human interaction. I’ll stop forcing the issue of trying to meet people and allow situations to develop organically. All the while continuing to pursue scenery in the Four Corners region while utilizing Durango as a basecamp.
I’ll run this chapter of my life as long as my Mojo, muscles and innate wanderlust allows me to.
Then who knows? Maybe by then, I’ll meet a few people to hang with. If not I’ll move to Boulder where there’s heaps of Outliers and weird people.
All the photos were taken within a long days drive of Durango.
See why I live here?
Cheers,
Jeff
For extra credit readings on senior aging, please check out:
